I justgraduated from high school, when i was in school iwas always shy around girls an didn't know what tosay, you've helped me open up my eyes to what ishould of been doing a long time ago. Now I've got2 girls that both want me , an i really dont knowhow to handle that. Any suggestions????? None ofmy friends are giving me any good answers. Imsure u have some. Help me out if u get a chance, udont gotta publish it in your emails u send toeveryone . I just really wanna know what to do, idont want to fu** this up. Any help would begreatly appreciated.
JF in Va.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, well it doesn't sound like too much of aproblem to me.
You have two girls that like you, what's theissue?!
You're going to have to decide if you'd like:
1) A relationship with one of them.
2) To be single and date both of them.
If you want a relationship, then pick the oneyou like and go out with her more than once aweek.
If you DON'T want a relationship right now,then don't see EITHER of them more than about oncea week (twice once in awhile is OK, but any morethan that and a woman will start to go intorelationship mode AUTOMATICALLY).
There is no problem with more than one womanliking you, the problem comes if you start beingdishonest and not-up-front in your dealings withthem. These are great problems to have, really... aslong as you don't screw it up by being a jackass.
***COMMENT FROM A READER***
There is a lot of guys that says:
"I want a woman to like me for "who I am"... "Idon't want to be pretending like I'm someoneelse..." "I want to "be myself"... I don't likethe idea of pretending to be someone that I'mnot..."
I was the typical Nice-Guy-Wussy-Clingy, but Ihave read your newsletter and I have downloadedyour book six months ago, and in six month I havedate more women than in six years, first I didn'tbelieve in being Cocky & Funny, but after tryingagain and again, I have a lot of success and thebest of all is that I FEEL that Cocky & Funny is apart of my personality, I ENJOY a lot being Cocky& Funny, but I'm not only C&F with the girls thatI meet, I'm C&F with my brother, sister, myfriends and with everyone !!! Thanks David, forall, It's like a dream , Thanks Again. Some Day Iwill shake your hand..
JP from Argentina
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Congratulations. You've figured something outthat a lot of guys NEVER get their entire lives...
You've realized that you can actually enjoyyourself and make Cocky and Funny, as well as theother techniques, a part of your personality.
I'm glad things are working out for you, and itwould be great to shake your hand one day (nokissing, though).
***QUESTION***
Hello,
I recently downloaded your e-book, and thatcombined with your email newsletters have helpedme land more email addresses/phone #s in the lastseveral months than the rest of my 24 year lifecombined. I now see some of the stuff I have beendoing wrong over the years and some things to doto correct my behavior and attitudes towardswomen. The cocky/funny attitude definitely works,when used in the right context. I still feelawkward since I'm fairly new at these new"techniques" but I know I am on the right track.
However, I have some challenging questions foryou. Getting a phone number or email address forme obviously hasn't been enough, and I'll explainwhy:
When I call a girl's phone number, I often don'tget through (yes, I remember your figure ofsomething like 1 in 3 times on average).Obviously if I want a date, I'll have to try againlater, or leave a message if she has voice mail.That leads me to the first question, should Ileave a (cocky/funny) message, or just try againlater? I am afraid that leaving a message forsomeone I hardly know might make me come off astoo desperate (so far I have NEVER gotten aresponse after leaving a message), but then when Icall again and again (within reason, I give itsome time between calls, and I won't try more thana couple times in a day) attempting to reach agirl in person, I'm afraid that she might havecaller ID and figure out that I kept calling her,which would also make me come across as needy anddesperate. Or, should I just give up, and move onto somebody else, even with the possibility thatthe girl I tried calling really likes me andsimply wasn't there to answer my call?
My second question is an even tougher one. Overthe summer I've emailed about 12 different girlsasking for dates. I will provide the text of atypical message in a minute here. However, I haveto date gotten ONE response back (there goes your60% theory...). I originally thought there must besomething wrong with my account, but then Irealized my emails get prompt responses from otherfriends and family members, so I don't think thisis the case (only once did I get a "deliveryfailure" notification). So...what is going onhere--am I just having an incredibly bad streak ofluck, or am I doing something drastically wrong?And if the latter, what is it--am I coming off asa wuss, does my email address turn them off, orwhat? Now, here is what I said in one of mymessages (this is a typical example):
(Girl's name), It was nice meeting you at themeteorology picnic, and welcome to the department.I'm curious to know what you're taking as anundergrad, as I came here straight for thegraduate program.
I'll have a lot of things to do over the nextcouple of days, but let's try and get togetherlater this weekend--and we can have some fun andget to know each other better. (My name)
I think that was a pretty good email, although Iwonder if maybe I should have asked for her numbertoo... anyway I'll leave it up to you to analyze.
One final question: Should I always get a girl'sphone number or email address in the firstmeeting, if I am sure I will see her again? Forexample, at the picnic aformentioned in my emailexample, I met another cute girl at the end of theevening (she's in my academic department, so Iknow I'll see her again eventually), but she wasleaving, I was already on my way to my car, and myhands were completely full with food. Thus itwould have been totally inconvenient and awkwardto stop and write down an email address or phonenumber. Is it better just to hold off in certainsituations like this one?
Anyways...thanks for any help and advice you cangive me.
N.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well, let's start with the good...
Great job getting more email addresses andnumbers lately than in the last 24 YEARS!... lol.
You mention above that you've read my book, butwhat you've said above leads me to believe thatyou didn't really pay much attention when you did.
I'm not even going to address your issue ofcalling women, as you should probably be focusingon emailing first.
I guess I'm confused, because you ask foradvice about what to do when calling, then yousend me a sample EMAIL to critique. OK, aboutthe email...
Let's start with "It was nice meeting you atthe METEOROLOGY picnic, and welcome to thedepartment..."
What kind of lame opening is this?
Then we have, "I'm curious to know what you'retaking as an undergrad, as I came straight for thegraduate program..."
Oh, lord help me.
Next we roll into, "...let's try to gettogether later this weekend--and we can have somefun and get to know each other better..."
DON'T MAKE ME SLAP MY OWN HEAD, PLEASE.
You sound like you can't decide whether to askher to be your study partner, become her schoolcounselor, or subtly imply that you're a perv on amission.
No no no.
You want to touch base, keep it light, and getto the next step.
No school stuff, no interview questions, no"fun".
Try this when following up:
"Hey, it was nice meeting you last night...what are you up to this week? Would you like tojoin me for a cup of something wonderful and somestimulating conversation? Talk to me."
...you know, just like it says word-for-word onpage 130 of Double Your Dating.
No interviews, no "fun", no lame questionsabout what she's doing as an undergrad.
OK, I realize that I'm being a little harshhere, and that you're just getting started...lol... but I have to pick on someone!
Remember, no boring, average talk. And untilyou have something that you KNOW works better, usethe materials that you paid for in my book!
As your final assignment, keep me posted on howmuch better women respond to this new, improvedfollow-up message.
(Hint: if you still aren't getting responses,then you're doing something when you meet them togive them the creeps. Think about it, and makesome modifications if you have to.)
***QUESTION***
Dear Jedi Master
I have written several times but my letters werenever published. This time I think I have greatmaterial to contribute, which can help in yournewsletter (one of them is this little face, womenlove them even if you insert them in the first e-mail you exchange, right after a c & f comment).
First, my success story. I met a girl on-line onone of those dating sites. I didn't expectanything out of it. She had told me she was talland cute, I didn't believe so but actually, sheturned out to be very pretty. We went out on adate at night (she proposed it herself thanks tomy c & f e-mails), though I told her I thought itwas kind of hasty, I accepted. The whole date Ikept composure, I set up a relaxed and calmatmosphere, I just sat, laid back and chatted. Theonly c & f comment I needed to send in was thisone. We were talking about the people we had meton-line. When she asked about my experience, Isaid I only met a nice girl, pretty andeverything, but she was too needy and forward so Ihad to tell her "let's just be friends". She toldme about hers, she went out with a nerd, a geekwho kept her the whole night talking aboutcomputers and mathematics. I told her that "youdon't get everyday such a lucky chance to meetsuch a cute guy like me". Result, in the end ofthe date she asked me if she could kiss me, nowshe is my girlfriend and everything is great sofar.
The non verbal cocky and funny examples are many.Once, in a disco I saw a stunning blond walkingin. She was very poshy and nose-up. As she passedby me (all the attention was obviously focused onher) I had this genius idea. I followed herimitating her wiggling hips and I squeezed my nose(up) with two fingers (as if to say everybodystinks here, except for me). As a result,everybody around us noticed the slapstick comedyscene and was laughing out loud, even her when shecaught me.
Another example is still in a disco scene. I wasenjoying my beer with my friends sitting on atable. On the other end of the place there werethese two beauties, they were all the timesurrounded by loosers and sharks. Another ideaflashed in my mind, as our eyes met, I show her mytongue and I gave her a raspberry. Her expressionwent from surprise (I can't believe you just didthat) to smile and then she cracked up inlaughter. I kept this up with other strangegestures, like shaking my head as if to say"you're no good", then with other gestures I toldher she was a drunkard. Needless to say, I wentway further than everybody else. Another gestureyou can add after you got her attention, is toraise your eyebrows. This approach is very goodfrom far away cause you can keep it up for a fewminutes without even uttering a word withoutapproaching her directly walking towards her. Youdon't even have to worry about the loud music.Another gesture you can do is shaking your handwith your fingers held together (a very Italiangesture), as if to say "what do you want fromme?". And yes, it is a very good idea to imitateand tease them when they dance. It is so nice andfun to tease them, and they love it too.
My question is this one. I noticed that mygirlfriend, when I come out with a cocky and funnystatement, still laughs and enjoys it, but at thesame time she gets frustrated and tells me to stopit as if she doesn't like it. What does this mean?I keep it up anyhow.
I would like to address also the issue of bodylanguage. There are loads of girls who are too shyto look at you straight in the eye. They give youonly a side-look. I advise to keep a friend aroundyou so that you can catch these shy birds as well.Message to everyone, get a book about bodylanguage, it can save your self-esteem and a lotof time too!
Thanks again, I still have a lot of issues toaddress but I realize I am making this letter toolong
Thanks again man, keep up the good work
F from Italy
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Very nice, I'm glad you wrote in, because I wasjust working on some "non-verbal" ways of beingcocky and funny and you have figured some of themout yourself.
NICE!
One great technique you mentioned is IMITATINGa woman who is obviously very hot and/or stuck up.
You can pull your shoulders back, stick outyour butt, and put your nose in the air... thenlook over at her... then laugh at yourself.
If a woman gives you a compliment, you canpurse your lips and put on an exaggerated "JamesBond" Mr. Cool look and say "she wants me" rightto her face.
There are a million ways... great stuff.
To answer your question, I think it's a goodidea to always keep doing what worked in thebeginning.
If a woman was attracted to you because youwere Cocky and Funny, then keep doing it later aswell. If she puts up a fuss, just say, "I'm gladyou like it."
The best way to keep a woman's interest is toKEEP DOING WHAT WORKED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
***QUESTION***
Dave,
I read your newsletters religiously and they havecome in quite handy, I gotta say.
A two mos. ago, a friend and I were in a coffeeshop when he spotted a female acquaintance of his.He talked to her a bit and said, "This is myfriend...". I look at her and say, "What's up? I'mD." This girl gives me the bitchiest look I'veever seen and in her most appalled tone of voiceshe says, "Ummmmmm, WHAT'S UP?" ....as if I shouldaddress her, "Your Highness". "What do you want meto do [her name], bow down and kiss your hand,your Highness?"...when I said this, she was inshock b/c I just tore down her brat barrier andshe tried to regain composure. Well sometimelater, we fooled around some and got along prettywell. The catch is, after we fool around she getsclingy (like some wussy guy would do). Dave, haveI dug a hole for myself with this? I'd rather giveup the action than have some brat getting allemotional and clingy for me...what do you say?
Cheers, D. Indiana
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yeah, this is a funny thing. If you bust astuck-up woman's chops enough to break through the"Brat Barrier", as you call it, she'll oftenbecome VERY attached to you.
It's almost as if attractive women have beenwalking around challenging every man they meet,and when you meet the challenge she rolls over.
And I'll tell you what, I'd rather give up awoman than have her be emotionally needy andclingy myself.
You just have to figure out why she's beingclingy... is it because she's a damaged person onthe inside, because you led her to believe thatyou wanted a relationship, or some other reason,and do what makes sense.
Good job busting through the "Brat Barrier". Imight just steal that name...
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
First off, mad props for taking the time towrite a book that everyone can read and use. Ihave yet to buy it (next week I will though -payday), but I have been receiving yournewsletters and enjoying the material in there.
Now after receiving your emails for a few weeks,I decided to try using the cocky and funnyapproach on every girl I came across (I've alwaysbeen too shy to do this consistently.. onlysituationally). So I did this at work, at coffeeshops, at the bar, you name it. I hadn't tried theemail/number techniques yet though. And I hadonly been doing this for a week when I happened tomeet a girl that was incredibly attractive, smart,and just the complete package. So she received mylargest C&F effort yet. It worked like a charm!We talked for only a few minutes the first time wemet but I left an impression. The second time wemet, we chatted and joked around for a few hoursand I asked her on a date, which she readilyaccepted. So we went on that date, and things wentgreat.
I was nervous about going out with her, but fromthe start I made the decision that I wanted to useher for practise. I know that sounds bad to alotof people, but it's more of a frame of mind thananything else. So anyhow, we went to dinner first(yeah - I know), we talked, we joked, we had agood time. Then we went to a movie (which wasoriginally the plan, to just go see this movie weboth wanted to see, and that was all.. the dinnerwas tacked on by her really), and I tried a formof a kiss test.
Since we had already reached a level ofcomfort/friendliness through conversation, it wastime to check out physical playfulness. So duringthe movie (comedy), there were a lot of funnymoments as expected. Well, one of them washilarious and we both went nuts laughing, so I didthe laugh and slap your own leg thing.. except Iused her leg. And I did it lightly enough so thatit won't leave a mark, but stung a bit. Which iswhat I wanted actually. She responded by saying"hey, that hurt!" while smiling at me, so I said"oh, poor baby, want me to kiss it better?". Shegot off on my playfulness and raised her leg up soI could kiss it. So I kissed her leg, and I said"There you go kid, all better!", and I followedthat up with "I hope I don't have to hit you inthe face to get a kiss!":) I still laugh when Ithink of that one. She thought that was so funnyshe just cracked right up, it was great! A littleoff the wall, but great! Then I just waited forthe next funny part, which was like, 10 secondslater, and I looked into her eyes, down to herlips, and back to her eyes, and kissed her. Shewas incredibly responsive. Now, I'm talking inslow motion here because that portion setup whathas been a great thing between myself and thisgirl since that date. But I need to fast forwardto the problem part. So to fill in the gaps in arather boring fashion, the date led to a next dayhot-tub at her place (she called me), and sex theday after that. She was completely into me. Wehad spent almost every single day together for thenext 3 weeks. Anytime I tried to take a day off,she wouldn't have any of that. The sex wasamazing, and got better and better each time. Andthat all led to the problem:
She through me a wicked wicked curv ball that Ididn't expect or see coming, and I didn't reactthe way I should have. She not only came out andsaid 'I love you', she followed that up with 'Ithink you are the one '!!! That is some deep,serious shit right there. That through me off mygame big time. It was like being at the platewith no bat while Randy Johnson throws fastballsat me. 'Holy s***!'
I ended up having a day (the next day), where Ireally needed to be alone, and quiet, tocontemplate this whole scene. Unfortunately, shesaid those words while we were on a campingtrip... so when I was acting quiet and distant,she didn't know what to do. She hadn't seen melike that. So I played it off like I was grumpy.That wasn't really the best move, but I wasfeeling confused. Here I have this amazing chickwho has just said some incredibly huge words tome. I was stuck, and it turned me into a wussagain:( That day of the camping trip sucked, andit was a short camping trip (arrived friday night,left sunday morning), so it wasn't a very goodone. The friday night was amazing, but what shesaid setup the confusion for the rest of it.
So on the Monday after we got back, we sat downand talked, and decided that it was much too earlyfor that and we should take a step back and holdthe 'I love you' stuff for another time. Well,that lasted until that friday when she came overand said "I've been thinking about this alot, andI am SO in love with you. I know we said wedidn't want to go there, but you are just soamazing I can't picture my life without you."Another curv ball. Another wussifying statement.And once again, I felt confused and a littleoverwhelmed. She has everything I want in awoman, and she's telling me that I'm what shewants in a man. Well, that changed all tooquickly. I turned into a wuss. For some dumbreason, I felt that her confessions of loverequired me to be more sentimental, caring, andlubby dubby. What the hell was I thinking!!!Exactly one week after that and about 4 days of mebeing completely off my game and catering to herneeds, she decides that she has lost theattraction. She didn't say exactly that, but itwas obvious by our sex life which all of a suddendisappeared. So we discussed it, and she felt likebeing with me was like "training a puppy" becauseI lacked confidence in my actions. At that point,I knew she was right because lately, I wasn'tacting confident in my actions. I let all of myactions and decisions take her feelings intoconsideration first, which ends up making mehesitate and appear to lack confidence. At thesame time, during the 3 or 4 days prior to thattalk, she had stopped liking my jokes and takingthings offensively. I was not impressed with that.So I brought that up after her "training a puppy"comment, and I followed it up with a "you knowwhat... we're done."
And that was it, I broke up with her. Now I'msitting here thinking about how amazing this girlis, and how the only reason we aren't together isbecause I acted like a wuss after the "I loveyou"'s came out. The thing is, everyone around usseen a stronge love between myself and this girl,and nobody can believe it turned out like this.Neither can I, but at least I know why.
Problem now, is that I know that we had astrong love (as early as it was), and I want thatback. I know how wussy that sounds, but I feellike this ended prematurely. I feel confident thatI can go out and get numbers and get dates, etc...but it doesn't feel right at this point.
I am tempted to call her and at least say"It's too bad things didn't work out between us,but I would like to remain friends, blaw blawblaw...". It has only been a little over a daysince we broke up (sunday now, and we broke upfriday night), so I don't know if I should evenbother calling her, or if I should wait a coupledays to see if she calls me, or whatever. I don'twant to wait to be honest. Despite what happenedthis past week, she is still someone that isincredibly special. No other girl I've met hashad her qualities. Which is what makes this sodamn tough. So any advice you can throw me is morethan appreciated. What should I do here Dave?Thanks, J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Your letter was long, but I had to include it.
Let this be a lesson to you...
DON'T TURN INTO A WUSSY.
Don't do it.
And the most important reason is the one you'vedemonstrated with your situation: Because you'llscrew up the one situation that really matters,when and if it comes.
Women are NOT attracted to WUSSIES.
And men tend to start acting like wussies whenthey really like a girl.
Here's what to do:
1) Don't call her.
2) Go date other women, IMMEDIATELY.
3) If you talk to her again because you ran intoher or she calls you, MENTION THAT YOU'RE DATINGOTHER WOMEN, AND DO THE THINGS YOU DID WHEN YOUFIRST MET HER THAT ATTRACTED HER TO YOU IN THEFIRST PLACE. (If you don't hear from her for a fewweeks or a month, you may call her ONCE.)
4) Write, "I will not act like a WUSS-BAG again."1,000 times.
5) Read this RIGHT NOW:
On Being A Man
Now, go and be a Wussy no more.
***QUESTION***
Hey there David. Great work! I love your mailbagsand tips. They are very informative and useful andhave worked wonders for my dating life. Anyways,to the point. I wanted to share a good C+F linethat has worked more than I expected it to... Andyes, I thought of it. It works good for guys whohave to overcome shyness as well. Okay it goessomething like this.
The girl you are talking to knows you are shy. Soyou bust on her with C+F a bit then you mentionthat you are kind of different when you get toknow people better. Then you say I guess I'm likeM&M's. You got to get past that hard candy shelland get to the sweet, sweet, chocolatty center(And say sweet, sweet, chocolatty center in aHomer Simpson voice if you want. I find it makesit funnier). They nearly always laugh at this one.Then you say something to the effect of I'm noteven going to get into how else I'm like M&M's.95% of chicks get this... And it's got me to myfinal destination many a time. ;Þ ... You can evenfollow up if they make a comment that I hate howwomen see me as some type of sexual object; apiece of meat if you will. (And in a sorta whineybut funny voice), ITS SO DEGRADING! They love that:P Thanks for everything Dave and keep up thegreat work... I'm saving up for your book but I'mhella poor so it might take a couple of weeks.LOL.
T. BC, Canada
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Nice! I love comments that turn typical femaleideas around and make fun of them...
Like saying, "I hate that women only see me assome type of sexual object... like a piece ofmeat" etc.
And the M&M comment is subtle, but nice.
Good work, keep it up!
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
I've read your book and been reading yourletters for months, and it all makes an awful lotof sense. Though coming from someone that has hadas much experience as I have I don't know how muchthat means. I'm 19 and never been in arelationship, well never actually gone out with agirl unless it was purely as 'friends'. And that'swhere my problem kicks in. I am the prodigal niceguy, basically reverse all your advise and you'dhave me.
That's not to say I don't have what it takes, I'mfunny when I'm with friends, and pretty carefreeand even a bit cocky when I'm with girls that I'mnot at all interested in (I'm not naturallycocky). I've even been told I'm cute by severaldifferent girls, so I guess I'm not hideous. Thething is I just can't bring myself to make anapproach. If a girl approached me first I'd beable to get her number (hypothetically, no realworld experience here). Whenever I have had theguts to ask a girl out in the past it's always thesame, you're nice and all, can we JBF?. I now knowthat was because I was in complete wuss mode whileasking these girls out. And I guess I'm findingthis act hard to break, I just can't seem to breakaway from Mr. Nice Guy. I've tried thevisualisation techniques you mention, though Iguess I just loose motivation, not because I don'twant a date, but because I guess I believe I can'tget a date.
So if there are any pearls of wisdom you can dishout in regards to getting over this first hurdleit would be greatly appreciated. Think of me as aproject you can mould into the ultimate man,Funny, Cocky and Charming.
Thanks for your help in advance
T.C From Australia
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, I have two things for you to do:
1) Get online and start chatting with randomwomen. I don't care what service you use, but Ilike AOL. Just start conversations and tease them.
Instant message a woman who's obviously youngand ask, "Are you 50 years old?" Mess with them.Have fun. This will sharpen up your game, and itwill show you how well women respond when youtease them.
2) Go out to a place where there are a LOT ofwomen and put yourself in a location that is INTHEIR WAY.
Here in Los Angeles we have night clubs forpeople over the age of 18. Find one of theseclubs, and go stand by the bar, right wherethere's the MOST traffic, so a lot of women bumpinto you.
This will create all kinds of opportunities totalk to women, and many of them will start talkingto you.
You'll get a lot of "excuse me" while they tryto get to the bar, etc.
Think of a few other ways to put yourself inthe paths of a lot of women, and go practice. Justdo it.
Your problem is all in your mind. You need toget out there and see that this stuff works, soyou can believe in it.
***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***
I need your advice:
I just recently met a guy (while he was going to abusiness meeting) and I was just leaving my gym.He asked me to have coffee, but I kind ofhesitated. I didn't go, however, I took hisbusiness card.
A few days later I decided to email him...just tosay "hi."
We have been communicating via the net for acouple weeks now. I also have had the opportunityto meet him briefly for the first time to havecoffee. Then at another time I was with mygirlfriend...and he was also with us.
He seems like a nice guy, but I don't like the waywe met. It seemed like he was trying to pick me upor something. What I am trying to say is that, hadthe situation been different, like if we metthrough friends or at work, I wouldn't have thismuch negative thoughts about him.
Anyway, we were supposed to meet for dinner and amovie, but then he called to tell me that he had amigraine. He seems really interested in having mego over to his place. Not knowing him well, I amvery afraid to do something of this nature... so Ideclined his invitations without responding.Furthermore, he'd called again and said that hewould love to see me. Again he asked me to go tohis place. He said that he would even come to pickme up or have a taxi pick me up. This is veryinsulting to me. I mean If I wanted to seesomeone, I would drive to see him. Why did he haveto offer a taxi. I can't figure this guy out, butI am very suspicious about the whole situation.It seemed to me like the whole thing is bogus.
Please respond. I am in desperate need to findout this guy's true intentions. Do I have theright to feel this way, or am I just being toocautios and paranoid?
Hope to hear from you soon.
ST
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, I've included this email because I want toshow you something...
Namely, a great example of what's going on inthe mind of a "typical" woman.
Notice all of the suspicion, insecurity,reading into the situation, attempts to decipherintentions, etc.
One of the things I say is that women don'ttake anything you say or do LITERALLY. They alwayswant to know what it "means".
I basically NEVER see emails like this fromguys.
Guys just want to know: Is she into me or not?
That's it.
Guys don't care if the woman was trying to"pick them up" or whether they met at work or onthe street, or if she wants him to come over toher house... EVER.
But women... women are completely different.They are ALWAYS thinking about motives, details,and "meaning".
What's my point?
Well, a lot of guys do things that make womensuspicious.
Or they do things that women read into andinstantly run from...
Or they do predictable, average things and saypredictable, average things that BORE womenbecause the woman interprets the man's actions asAVERAGE AND UNINTERESTING.
You need to keep this stuff in mind.
This guy should have asked for her email FIRST(asking her to coffee right on the spot was OK,but since she didn't go for it, email would be theright next step). Then he should have emailed aday or two later and suggested a cup of tea. Afterthe tea, he should have invited her over tocontinue the conversation, etc.
But he's not really paying attention to how awoman might see his actions, and he's comingacross a little strange.
He's trying to get a woman who doesn't trusthim yet to come straight to his house... and it'sfreaking her out.
Of course, there's a way to do this (I talkabout it in my book, of course), but he's notdoing it correctly.
This is another reason why I recommend thatguys avoid talking about work, family, school,etc. If you talk about those things, you'll belikely to come off as qualifying her formarriage... which is a no-no early on.
If you tease, have fun, make fun, and staymysterious, then you'll create curiosity,challenge, and mystery.
Every woman is different, and there is often afine line between being suspicious and beinginteresting. But you need to know the difference,and behave in a way that gets you the outcome youwant.
***QUESTION***
I have a few questions on the cocky + funny bit.Ill get strait to the point, is it a good idea touse sarcasm a lot? is it a bad idea to bust onyourself in a sarcastic way? ex. you trip andalmost fall, then you say, "wow, im sure smoothtoday" while laughing about it
does the Cocky in cocky + funny mean to brag aboutyourself, or things youve done in a funny way? asyou can see Ive been having some trouble on thisapproach. I have your book but still cant graspthe whole attitude about it. oh and can you giveus a good C&F line when a woman says "shush" or"shut up" while laughing. if yo have any moreadvice man, id love to hear it, if i can get thisdown, i will have greater succe ss then you havegiven me
your awsome Dave, genius
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, Yes on the sarcasm. I love it.
I don't really make fun of myself a lot. Ithink that it's better to accuse her of being thecause of any mistakes you make, etc. If you trip,say "You know, this doesn't happen when you're notaround... I think you're causing it" etc.
You can brag about yourself in a funny way...that's great. If she likes your shirt, say "Yeah,women are always trying to pick me up with thosecheesy lines."
If she says, "Shut up" while laughing, that's aPERFECT opportunity to dial it up a notch and comeback with something even funnier... maybe, "Youlove me" with a serious face.
You must remember that it HAS TO BE FUNNY.
You can say ANYTHING, as long as it's FUNNY.
Practice if you have to. Write things down... Idid. I still do, in fact.
Watch comedy on TV and in the movies. Noticewhat's funny and what's not. Imitate others untilyou get the hang of it.
You're doing fine... you'll have it soon!
***QUESTION***
David:
Your book has helped me live life in a great newway- I went from not going to my senior prom togetting e-mails from some of the most beautifulgirls on my campus (and I've only been here 3days!) Thanks a ton.
I do have a question about two ideas in your bookthat, at least in the manner in which I haveapplied them, seem to contradict each other. Yousay guys that argue a lot seem insecure, which Icertainly agree with. You then say that when awoman says something you are doing is botheringher, to instead of stopping to comply with her asmost guys would, to keep doing whatever bothersher, and in fact "turn it up a notch". How do youdo this without the situation resulting in anargument? I'd imagine humor would help, but couldtake me through exactly how to make this work?
Thanks,
R.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
OK, arguing is when she says, "You know,divorce is wrong", and you say, "No, it's not. Infact, divorce is a very healthy thing for adultsto decide to do. There was a study in a recentissue of Psychology Today that suggests thatchildren from divorced families make more moneythan those that don't..."
Turning up something she just told you shedoesn't like is when you put on some Metallica andshe says, "Turn that off, I hate heavy metal" andyou turn it up a little and say, "Well you'dbetter learn to like it, because I do"... thenturn it down a minute or so later.
Are you with me?
The first example (arguing) is insecure WUSSYbehavior, the second example is spanking her forbeing bossy.
Get it?
Nice!
And great job with the babes on campus. It'sgoing to be a fun year for some women in yourarea!
***QUESTION***
Hi dave, I dont have many success stories becausethe first girl I met after I started using yourstuff is gorgeous, and we have been dating for 5months now, she's a keeper. anyway, I am stillputting your techniques into practise and thisgirl is buying me gifts every other week and shestill say she can't figure me out. I love keepingher on her toes.
My question is this, what if a girl does somethingto piss you off, how should you handle it andstill keep true to your priciples. On one hand ifi just say "thats ok, I don't mind" I am beingwussy, but if I get mad and give her sh** I am nolonger being indifferent. I think maybe teasingher about it without actually showing that I amdispleased would be the right course of action,please elaborate.
Your pupil in Canada.
R.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
DON'T BE A WUSSY.
I hate to say this, but women often do thingsto piss you off JUST TO TEST YOU AND SEE IF YOU'LLSTAND UP AND BE A MAN.
Really.
Now, DON'T put on your wife beater, get drunk,drive over to her trailer park and start hittingher hat...
But, I think you catch my meaning.
Don't accept things that aren't acceptable.
Wow, profound. I know, I'm brilliant with theobvious.
Be a man about it, don't be a little girl. Justtell her to not do it anymore... don't whine andcomplain.
You're in a relationship right now, but thishappens all the time with women that you've justmet. It's important to set your boundaries early,because if you don't they'll turn into problems,resentments, etc.
That dork, 'Dr. Phil' says, "Men don't get it,but they can be trained".
Oh, I just love that kind of talk. Let's see...a man who makes his money by saying things thatOprah's audience of 50 million married overweightWOMEN (who have nothing better to do than sitaround the house in the middle of the day watchingT.V.) will agree with... Hmm.
(I actually kind of like 'Dr. Phil'... don'tget me wrong... lol)
The truth is that A TRAINED MAN IS A WUSSY, ANDHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A RING PUT IN HIS NOSE ANDBUY HIS WOMAN A LEASH TO LEAD HIM AROUND.
Like I always say, you can be attractivewithout being ABUSIVE. Be strong, fellow dude.Avoid the temptation, when the tests come, to turninto a WUSSY.
You know, it's difficult for me to get along inthis world with this problem I have of not sayinghow I REALLY feel.
Great job finding a great gal... now do theright things, and keep her.
Let me tell you something...
I spent YEARS trying to figure out how to besuccessful with women and dating.
YEARS.
I read books, listened to tapes, went toseminars... and tried all KINDS of things. I mean,if you knew half of the stuff that I tried, you'dlaugh your ass off at me.
Most of it didn't work... and the stuff thatdid work actually worked IN SPITE of the fact thatit was lame.
I mean, if you do ANYTHING it will work SOME ofthe time.
I'm going to tell you something that is bothsimple and profound at the same time.
If you will learn how to be a MAN, then most ofthe "other stuff" will take care of ITSELF.
Really.
In fact, after spending years and years of mylife learning how to attract women, I finallyrealized that most men have never learned what itmeans to "be a man".
It's crazy, actually.
The kicker is that a mature, interesting,attractive woman knows INSTANTLY if she's dealingwith a "real man"... or if she's dealing with a"WussBoy".
So my question to you is: What are YOUcommunicating to the women you're interactingwith?
Man?
WussBoy?
Ass-kisser who's beyond all help?
I hope not.
If this is making sense to you, and you'd liketo learn how to develop the MAN side ofyourself... so you project this amazing POWER towomen... then you MUST get your hands on a copy ofmy "On Being A Man... Who Naturally AttractsWomen" program.
Inside, I face this problem of "missingmanhood" HEAD ON.
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you thatthis program is all fun and games. And it's alsonot full of techniques for "picking up chicks".
In fact, this program is ALL about YOU.
It's all about understanding the reasons why wehave NOT grown into MEN... and how to FIX theproblem for yourself.
I'd love to sit here and tell you all about it,but it's better if you go read about it foryourself, and watch some video clips of theprogram. You can go check it out here:
On Being A Man
If you'd like to get a broad introduction to mymost powerful concepts, PLUS get some greattechiques for overcoming fear, approaching women,getting dates, and taking things to a "physical"level, then you need to check out my AdvancedDating Techniques DVD/CD program.
The thing that makes my Advanced Programdifferent from all the other stuff out there isthat it's BASED on watching and learning from guyswho are "naturally" good with women.
The experience that REALLY took my success to ahigh level was watching, learning from, imitating,testing and refining what I learned from theseguys.
In fact, I invited several of my friends whowere the MOST influential on me to participate inthe live seminar that was edited into the AdvancedDating Techniques program. And when you listen toit, you'll watch and/or hear me interviewing fiveof them LIVE.
You know, one of the funniest experiences I'vehad is looking back on all the various techniquesthat I tried before I "got it" with women... andlaughing to myself at how stupid most of it was.
Fortunately, by doing those things, I learned alot... and I developed a ton of fantastictheories, methods, and systems that get RESULTS.
I've worked hard to create a great set of toolsand techniques, and a logical way to learn them,understand them, and start using them.
If you want to check out some great freesamples of this program, go here:
Advanced Series
And if you haven't taken the time to downloadmy online eBook, you need to do that RIGHT NOW.You can download it to your computer and bereading it within a few minutes... Go get it here:
Double Your Dating eBook
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. Don't forget to look through all of theother programs I've created. You can watchvideo clips of every one of them right here:
Double Your Dating Catalog
P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphsmax.2) Tell me what's working for you before you askyour question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuffis great" and "I don't need to tell you how wellyour stuff works" comments, but the fact is that IDO need to hear all of the specifics... becausethis helps other guys to see what's working indifferent situations.3) If you have a Success Story, write "SuccessStory" in the subject line of the email. I readthese first.4) At the end of the email, give me your initialsand tell me where you're from.5) Send it to me at: SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com...don't just hit "reply" to this email.Thanks!--------------------------------------------------Copyright 2007 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. DavidDeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks. Byreading and accepting this newsletter you agree toall of the following: You understand that this issimply a set of opinions (and not advice). This isto be used for entertainment, and not consideredas "professional advice". You are responsible forany use of the information in this email, and holdDavid DeAngelo Marketing Inc. and all members andaffiliates harmless in any claim or event. If youare under 18 years old, please click thelink at the end, and remove yourself, or to takeyourself off of our list, you can send mail to"DDMI" 3960 Howard Hughes Pkwy, 5th Floor LasVegas, NV 89169.--------------------------------------------------__________________________________________________If you are under 18 years old, please follow the link below and remove yourself, or you can send mail to "DDMI" 3960 Howard Hughes Pkwy, 5th Floor, Las Vegas, NV 89109.To safely remove your name and email address from our newsletter mailing list go to:Unsubscribe Me [-271.071127GR3-]
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