The next step: Finding Out About Your Body By Touch
Looking at your body and getting some sense of how it compares to other women's is a major step on the way to appreciating it for its orgasmic potential, but you need to do more than just look at it! The next step is to appreciate how it feels, not just in the way you did before, on your non-sexual areas, but now with an appreciation of your clitoris, vulva, vagina, and the other parts which contribute to making you a sexual woman capable of having an orgasm when you wish it, during sex or masturbation.
If you become tense when you start this exercise, it will be extremely helpful to have practiced the relaxation techniques described here, since they will allow you to maintain much more emotional calmness and control as you proceed along your path to orgasmic fulfillment and sexual satisfaction. We recommend that you practice this relaxation on a daily basis to help you keep calm. Fifteen minutes' practice in the morning, and fifteen minutes' practice in the evening, can bring about a transformation in your level of emotional arousal within a few weeks. This will assist you in carrying through all the exercises to completion without undue stress or anxiety. Being relaxed will also help you reach orgasm during sex (emotional or physical tension tends to dispel sexual arousal and reduces the chance of you having an orgasm).
Touch is an essential element of sensual and sexual feelings, and certainly a major part of sex and it's expected outcome - having an orgasm. Touch is a vital part of feeling sensuous and feminine - perhaps much more important than it is for a man. A man's arousal centers on his genitals - for a woman, it centers on her whole being, but especial on her skin. As an example of the power of touch, would you believe that some women can reach orgasm just by touching their nipples?
So take your time, and enjoy the exercises. Your body is there to give you pleasure, and with a degree of acceptance and appreciation from you, it certainly will do just that! (In the form of wonderful feelings, including the joy or orgasms.)You can start by taking a slot of time where you won't be disturbed for at least thirty minutes, though you might wish to have longer available. Take a bath so you're nicely relaxed, then find a place where you can lie down comfortably. Again, start to explore your body all over, using oil if you like the feel of it, but this time focus especially on your thighs, breasts, belly and buttocks. Really take in how it feels to touch yourself. Absorb the sensations, focus on the detailed sensations produced by running your fingertips across your skin so that you come to know your body in much more detail. Try not to let yourself be distracted by other sounds or events around you....this time is for you alone to focus on what it feels like to be in your skin!
Compare how different parts of your body feel. Some will be smooth, some rough. Under some skin there will be smoother tissue, under other areas there will be harder areas of muscle. This may be firm or not, it may be how you like it or not, but it's all yours, so relish it! (And if you can't relish it, at least accept it!)Now move your hands down onto your inner thighs and let them play gradually towards your clitoris and labia. As you know, these are the parts you need to love and accept most if you are to enjoy orgasms. If you're not familiar with these parts of your body, touching them may be challenging, but you can relax by breathing deeply and allowing tension to dissipate as you breathe out. If you have to stop, then do so. It's not a competition, or a contest at which you can succeed or fail. This is all about you discovering your orgasmic potential! Yes - it's worth remembering at this point what this is all about. It's about developing your sense of being in your body so that you can fully enjoy what it can do for you - and that means reaching orgasm during sex, having an orgasm during masturbation, and relaxing into orgasms during oral sex - though none of these are compulsory!
So begin by touching your clitoris gently, with a loving touch. You can use a little oil if you wish as a lubricant (aka lube) to make your exploration easier. Enjoy touching the hood of your clitoris, see what that feels like, relax into the sensations and enjoy them. You may find this easier if you close your eyes so that you can focus exclusively on what you are feeling. Pull back the hood of your clitoris to touch the clitoral glans, feeling the shaft of your clitoris, through the tissues around your clitoris. Do you feel any sense of increasing arousal? Do you feel sensual? Do you feel nothing? If the latter, it's likely that your body has to be resensitized to loving touch, so that it can begin to work towards its orgasmic potential. If you should happen to feel sexual stirrings, by all means explore them, and even take yourself to orgasm if you wish....but don't feel disappointed if you don't have an orgasm. It's early days!
Trace the edges of your labia. Take each one between your fingers and sense its texture and shape. Gently pull them this way and that, sensing how that feels too, and how the movement impacts on your clitoris and the vagina. Don't give up if you feel embarrassed or silly: that's a sure sign that you have been conditioned to think of touching these areas of your body as somehow dirty or wrong, and it's through the process of gradually developing a loving touch that you can get back into sexual connection with these parts of your own body. After all - that's what they are for - to provide you with the pleasure of orgasm. Massage your labia gently between your fingers. How does that feel?
Next, gently move onto the area around your vaginal opening. How does that feel? Trace around the opening, and then gently slide your finger inside. Feel around, and recognize how the different tissues feel slightly different. If you wish to, try clenching your muscles around your finger and see how that alters the sensations you are feeling. Try sliding your finger in deeper and identifying those areas which are most pleasant to touch. There's nothing shameful or wrong about any of this - it is your body, and you can do whatever you want with it. Do you feel any muscles inside your vagina? Try contracting the ring of vaginal muscles, as if you were stopping your urine flow in mid-stream. Can you feel your vagina contracting around your finger? Explore the inside of your vagina. How do the different areas feel?
There's an area called the G spot which lies on the upper surface of the vagina (as you lie on your back) about an inch or two inside. Some researchers have identified this area as being associated with vaginal orgasms or G spot orgasms. We'll talk much more about this later, but for the moment, see if you can feel it. If you're not sexually aroused, it may just feel like a small, ridged area of tissue. If you can't identify it or you don't feel any sensations from touching it, that is quite natural. It may well need resensitizing to stimulation.
Finally, explore your perineum. That's the area between your anus and your vaginal opening. It is sensitive to touch (or can be if your body is awakened to it) - how does that feel. If you wish, move on to your anus. This is an erotically sensitive area, full of sexually sensitive nerve endings, and it can feel very good to have it gently stimulated. You don't have to do this if you don't wish, but it might be a real step forward to you in accepting the sensuous nature of your own body if you can do so. Some women claim they can have an orgasm through anal massage.
Well, that's it. Now it's up to you to consider how all this made you feel. Were you ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, or did some of the touching arouse little waves of pleasure and possibly even erotic sensations? If you haven't been used to enjoying the sensation of touching your own body, it is natural to feel awkward about these exercises. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll feel with touch, and the better you'll come to enjoy and accept that this is a natural part of being a sexual woman with a body that is made to let you have fantastic sexual and erotic pleasure - and enjoy orgasms!
If you have a real problem touching your vulva and vagina, clitoris and labia, try thinking back to what happened to you in childhood that may have made you feel this way. Were there, for example, religious or social restrictions enforced in your family about touching yourself? Think about how a child is naturally curious and wishes to touch herself all over to explore her own body. How unnatural do you think it is to be stopped and told that such things are "dirty" or "shameful"!
Now, there are two more pieces of information associated with this exercise. The first is a relaxation program, which will help you get much more in touch with your body and enable you to shed some of your stresses and tensions when you get into a sexual situation. The second is information about the G spot, which we introduce now so that you have this background information ready at a later stage of learning how to be orgasmic.
Relaxation as a step in the road to being orgasmic and having an orgasm during sex.
Information on the G spot including G spot orgasms.
The next step on the road to orgasm - exercising your sexual muscles
[ How to have an orgasm - home page ] [ Becoming orgasmic ] [ Your body and orgasms ] [ Why you don't reach orgasm during sex ] [ Understanding your body ] [ Female sexual anatomy ] [ Orgasms and bodily touch ] [ Sexual anatomy and your orgasm ] [ How to have an orgasm - self-touch (1) ] [ How to have an orgasm - Kegel exercises ] [ How to have an orgasm - self-touch (2) ] [ Becoming orgasmic - exploring your body ]
