fear of approaching women

Here are the biggest mistakes when it comes to approaching women:
MISTAKE #1: Not Knowing How To DealWith Fear And Shyness
We are ALL afraid.
That's right. ALL of us are afraid.
In life, we all have fears… and it's up to each of us as individuals to either choose to overcome those fears… or choose to let those fears run our lives.
For most of us guys, we experience intense fear and shyness when it comes to APPROACHING women that we don't know.
Here's the part that's a “pain in the ass”: When you're experiencing fear and shyness, it feels like you're the ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD who has EVER felt this way.
The feeling can be SO intense, that it seems IMPOSSIBLE that anyone else could POSSIBLY have a “case” as bad as you. Know what I mean?
I laugh when I think about it, actually.
I have spent many, many hours in situations… looking at a woman that I'd like to approach… but just not being able to do it.
Then, later… after it's all over… I think BACK to the situation… and shake my head because I just couldn't figure out how to overcome my own FEAR… and just TALK TO HER.
The desperation that resulted from these situations was intense. It was embarrassing. It was demoralizing . It sucked.
As a man, one of the worst feelings you can have is that something is making you feel like LESS than a man. And this was one of those situations for me.
I'm kind of hard-headed sometimes. Maybe I like punishment more than others… or maybe I just like to beat my head against the wall longer than most.
In any event… I didn't give up.
Even though I was going through this experience over and over… of seeing a woman I wanted to meet… feeling fear and apprehension… not being able to get up the nerve to go talk to her… then thinking about it for hours (or days) after it happened… I just wouldn't let go.
I became determined to “crack the code” on this one.
Well, one of the big “ah ha!” moments I had was the SIMPLE act of learning that I WASN'T ALONE.
Just like it takes some “nerve” to approach a woman, it ALSO takes nerve to ADMIT when you're having challenges in life.
And one of the things I learned about my “fear of approaching women” was that instead of being “abnormal”, I was actually TYPICAL.
Imagine that.
Here I was thinking that I was emotionally retarded… and then I find out that MOST guys have this same issue… and it's just as intense for THEM as it is FOR ME!
Misery loves company… as they say. I guess that just learning I wasn't alone was enough to really encourage me.
But then I learned something even MORE important while I was learning how to overcome my own fears: I learned that MANY OTHER GUYS had figured out how to OVERCOME this “fear and shyness issue”… which led me to my next “ah ha!” moment:
IF THEY CAN DO IT, THEN SO CAN I.
And I'll tell you something right now: SO CAN YOU. And if you're open-minded and willing to do a little work on your part, then I'd like to show YOU how to do it…
MISTAKE #2: Expecting The Worst
I have spent a lot of years reading Psychology and “Self Help” books… and listening to audio programs… and going to seminars…
I've also spent a tremendous amount of time “testing out” the ideas that I've learned in these various books and programs.
As a result of all this “trying stuff out”, I've come to the realization that EXPECTATIONS play a very important part in RESULTS in life.
People who always expect bad things to happen… wind up having a lot of bad things happen to them.
People who only expect good things… wind up having a lot of good things happen.
Is this Voodoo? Am I talking about freaky New Age ideas that have no basis in reality of any kind?
No.
I've never tried Voodoo, by the way… but if you have, and it works, let me know. I'm always looking for new ideas that WORK!
OK, back to the point…
I believe that the REASON why expectations are so powerful has to do with the part of your mind that psychologists refer to as the “unconscious mind”. Some call it the “subconscious mind”.
This is the part of your mind that's “always on”… but it's working “behind the scenes”.
Have you ever been walking along… or driving… and you sensed danger out of the corner of your eye… and before you knew it, you INSTANTLY responded to avoid the danger?
Things like this happen to us all the time… but we don't really THINK about what's happening in moments like these.
The reality is that when we go through an experience like this, there are “miracles” happening inside of us.
In an instant, before we have time to “think” about what's happening, our entire mind and body have “taken over” and moved us out of the way of harm.
If you take just one aspect of one of these situations, the PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS, and examine it… you'll find that more is going on than “meets the eye”.
In order for your mind to perceive the danger, realize that it IS danger, figure out how to respond, then get the body to actually MOVE in away that gets you out of the path of danger… requires a MASSIVE amount of “computing power”.
Fortunately for you, all of the “computations” are being done outside of your “conscious” awareness.
But WHERE is it all being done? How is it that you “know” what to do… and you even DO it… before you “realize” what's going on?
It's all being done in this part of your mind that I'm talking about. It's all happening on the UNCONSCIOUS level.
Now, think about THIS for a minute:
Most men who have problems approaching women have one peculiar thing in common: They are all EXPECTING negative outcomes from the approach.
And they also have a SECOND thing in common: They don't CONSCIOUSLY REALIZE that all of their expectations are negative.
If you take time to ask, or you stop to think about how it happens for YOU, I think you'll realize that when you think about approaching a woman, your UNCONSCIOUS mind starts to INSTANTLY think about all the NEGATIVE things that might happen.
In fact, for most guys, this “negative expectation program” literally TAKES OVER… and they CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE a positive outcome.
This “negative expectation” thing is kind of a bitch, by the way.
It's painful… and it's not easy to change…
UNLESS, that is… you know HOW.
You've learned one of the most important pieces of the puzzle for changing: AWARENESS.
Now that you KNOW about it, you can start to AFFECT IT…
Now you need to learn some specific techniques to REVERSE this thinking… and begin to expect POSITIVE things to happen when you approach women…
MISTAKE #3: Making The WRONG First Impression
Another important think I learned about approaching women is actually something pretty OBVIOUS, when you think about it:
Attractive women are “approached”… one way or another… CONSTANTLY.
Women who are attractive are approached in a hundred different ways every day.
Sometimes it's a co-worker walking by her desk and smiling “too many times” a day…
Sometimes it's a guy holding a door open a little too long, just hoping to start a conversation…
Sometimes it's a random email from a guy she doesn't know telling her that he saw her picture online and thinks she's beautiful…
Sometimes it's a friend who keeps sharing his “feelings” for her…
And the more she's approached (both subtly and not so subtly), the more she develops a powerful “radar system” that alerts her to a man's intentions.
Most men don't realize that their lame attempts to get a woman's attention are HURTING them. They don't realize that the things they're doing are actually giving her a NEGATIVE impression… and making it so that it's almost IMPOSSIBLE for her to be attracted.
You've probably heard me say that “Women aren't attracted to Wussies!”.
It's true, by the way.
Let me ask you a couple of questions:
1) How many chances do you get to make a first impression on a woman?
2) What impression do most men give off when they approach a woman?
Right, the WUSSY impression.
And women have such a finely-tuned “Wussy Radar” system, that's I've actually given it a NAME… I call it WUSS-DAR.
If the impression you make on a woman is that you're a WUSSY, then it really doesn't MATTER if you've learned to overcome your fear of approaching her… because she's not going to feel any ATTRACTION for you ANYWAY.
You can train for ten years and become the fastest runner in the world… but if you start off the race running in the WRONG DIRECTION it's going to be pretty hard to WIN.
So remember: When you approach a woman, make sure the IMPRESSION she's getting is one that triggers ATTRACTION.
There are a lot of specific ways to create this impression, and I'll tell you some of them right now…
But REMEMBER: DON'T GIVE HER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE A WUSSY.
MISTAKE #4: Seeking Her Approval Or Acceptance
If I could go around the world, and take ALL of the situations that happened today where a man approached a woman that he was interested in dating… and then summarize and “condense” them into ONE “scene”, it would have an easy-to-recognize theme…
It would be a man who's nervous and shy… who is trying to FIRST get the woman to LIKE AND ACCEPT HIM.
For most guys, they have it in their mind that they need to get what psychologists call “approval”.
They think that the most important thing is that she LIKE him.
Here's what it looks like to the woman…
It's like a guy is walking up with a big sign on his forehead that reads: “I want you to think that I'm a nice, sweet, caring, considerate man… and I would do almost anything to make you like and accept me”.
And guess what?
IT DOESN'T WORK.
It never works.
Well, let me correct myself…
You will never win the lottery.
You MIGHT actually win the lottery… but you probably won't.
And you MIGHT get a woman to feel attracted to her by working to get her attention and approval…
But you probably won't.
I think I've made my point.
Using the “kiss her ass and hope she likes me” strategy is a loser. It does not trigger attraction. It never will.
Hugh Hefner and Brad Pitt will probably write to me to disagree… and then I'll stand corrected.
But for regular guys like you and me, it ain't gonna happen.
ATTRACTION is triggered by a TOTALLY DIFFERENT message.
It's created by a man who knows how to TRIGGER the attraction when he approaches… not by the man who HOPES it will happen if he's a NICE, SWEET, WONDERFUL GUY.
In short, DON'T SEEK HER APPROVAL OR ACCEPTANCE.
She'll smell the Inner Wuss coming out, and she'll shut you down faster than you can say “I touch myself”.
MISTAKE #5: Thinking You Need To Be“Original And Creative”
Answer this question:
When you see an attractive woman that you'd like to meet… and you start thinking about how to approach her and start a conversation… what's the FIRST thing you think of to SAY to her?
As you know, it can be TORTURE to try to come up with what to say.
This torture, of course, is SELF-INFLICTED.
And there's a common “theme” at the root of this “self torture”.
This theme is that when we see a woman that we'd like to meet, we tend to think to ourselves, “I need to come up with something ORIGINAL and CREATIVE to say to her”.
Why do we do this?
Because we DON'T want to come across as insincere… or even CHEESY.
So we look at her… try to notice something about her… maybe try to come up with some kind of original compliment… or creative humor.
Here's the problem:
That attractive woman has men looking at her ALL DAY… EVERY DAY.
And they're all thinking the SAME THING.
From HER perspective, every guy is walking up to her and saying one of the SAME FEW THINGS.
The irony is that in our desire and attempt to be ORIGINAL…we wind up saying essentially the SAME THING as the last hundred guys…
And TO HER, it comes across in EXACTLY THE WRONG WAY.
The “original, sincere, real” compliment we give her is just like the last bazillion she got…
And you just become one more “link” in the “mental sausage chain” in her mind.
Really.
So what's the solution?
The solution is to LEARN what to say when you start a conversation with women. Learn how the PROS do it… so you can get an UNDERSTANDING of what actually WORKS.
Only after you've learned from several experts… and then used their methods in the REAL WORLD… should you try to be “creative and original”.
MISTAKE #6: Not Having An ARSENALOf Techniques “At The Ready”
You may have noticed that the mistakes I've been talking about have little or nothing to do with “pick up lines” and “techniques”.
Why is this?
It's pretty simple, really…
If you have all these other issues handled, then good “pick up lines” and other techniques are like GUNPOWDER. They're INCREDIBLY powerful.
If you DON'T have these other issues handled, the best techniques in the world can't help you.
So, STEP ONE is to get these other issues handled.
Step TWO is to then learn the very best opening lines and other techniques… so you have “proven systems” for approaching women and starting conversations in ANY situation.
Until now, there's been nowhere to go for the solutions to ANY of these problems.
Now there's a place where you can learn to overcome and CONQUER all of these different problems… PLUS get an intensive training on all of the best step-by-step techniques and “pick up lines” for every possible situation…
Now YOU Can Learn ToApproach A Woman In Any Situation...And Never Worry About“What COULD Have Been...”Ever Again...