The Dying Art of Femininity

and a lott of crap rules for woomen, none for men
here is a sample

By Henry Makow, Ph.D.
http://www.savethemales.ca/

"Femininity is a gentle tender quality found in a woman's appearance, manner and nature. A feminine woman gives the impression of softness and delicateness. She has a spirit of sweet submission, and a dependency upon men for their care and protection. Nothing about her appears masculine, no male aggressiveness, competence, efficiency, fearlessness, strength, or the ability to kill her own snakes." (247)
Helen Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood (1965) is subversive to the New World Order because it upholds the inherent difference between the sexes and the basic laws governing marriage.
Such a book would never be published today. It is only available because it appeared 40 years ago and sold 2 million copies.
If you have any doubt about your sexual identity, I recommend Fascinating Womanhood. It is pertinent for men as well as women. I also recommend Andelin's Fascinating Girl for single women and her husband's Man of Steel and Velvet for men.
I'm not saying you should treat this model as gospel or that it's for everyone. It represents a timeless heterosexual paradigm that works. Every couple is different. Choose what is relevant to you and chuck the rest.
Femininity and masculinity are an art, like playing the piano. They must be learned. We have to know the basics before we can improvise.
People are very malleable. Society is the target of a long-term hate campaign designed to degrade and discredit heterosexuality. Domestic violence and rape are highlighted to make women fear men, reject femininity and become masculine. The destruction of the family has always been the goal of the financial elite in order to control people. (See "The Illuminati Program") I will elaborate below.
THE BASICS OF FEMININITY
Andelin says a woman's happiness depends on her husband's lifelong devotion and love. This book teaches women how to be attractive to men, how to be feminine.
Andelin writes that women don't have to be beautiful to be feminine. "Acquire a feminine manner by accentuating the differences between yourself and men, not the similarities. Since the masculine manner is strong firm and heavy, yours should be gentle, delicate and light. Apply this in the way you walk, talk, use your hands and carry yourself." (256)
I can still remember how a girl I knew closed a kitchen cupboard with a motion of her hips. This happened 35 years ago when I was 20!
When Andelin writes that a feminine woman is never "crude, vulgar, harsh, overbearing or critical," it is apparent that the fair sex is being deliberately degraded and neutered by the media. "All your conversation should reflect tenderness, patience, forgiveness, tolerance and love."
A wife's first priority is her husband and then her children. Thus a single woman will consecrate herself for her future husband and children as much as possible. She will not be promiscuous.
Wives tend to put career, friends, parents, success and appearance before their husbands. "If you are a successful career woman, keep your priorities straight," Andelin writes. "Let your husband know by words and actions that he is number one." (95)
The woman's primary role is to be wife, mother and homemaker. The man's role is to be guide, protector and provider. This doesn't mean women can't have careers or men can't cook or change a diaper.
A man needs to feel that he is needed, and that he excels his woman in his role. If she becomes independent, he may question his purpose and his feelings for her "since his romantic feelings partly arise from her need to be protected, sheltered and cared for." (102)
A woman should accept her husband at face-value and not try to change him. His pride and freedom are inviolable. She should focus on his good qualities and he will improve naturally in response to her.
Reactions to Andelin are either very positive or very negative. One minister wrote on Amazon:" I have given approximately 250 copies of this book to women I have counselled in the past 5 years. In this period of time, I have yet to see ANY of them NOT improve their marriage by working on what they bring to the marriage, as an individual and to the whole."
Many women find the book outdated and laughable. One contentious point is that Andelin advises wives to adopt an endearing childlike petulance when upset with their husband. A lot of women find this demeaning. But in practice, most men will respond positively when their authority is not directly challenged.
Andelin may be outdated at times but she has the basic principles right; it's up to us to adapt them.
Beautiful women are a dime a dozen but feminine women are more rare. The world suffers the loss of feminine spiritual qualities: trust, modesty, grace, innocence, serenity, tenderness, patience and love. This is behind the male obsession with pornographic sex. Men unconsciously seek femininity and love to balance them. The restless masculine spirit seeks a calm harbor.
THE MONSTROUS HOAX
Men and women are the victims of a cruel hoax. They are taught that sexual differences are "socially conditioned." Ironically this lie is the actual "social conditioning". Sexual differences are inborn. For example, males have ten times the level of testosterone as women, and this determines their willingness to take risks, etc. Sex roles express natural differences and form the spice of life.
Feminism's Marxist principles of "equality" do not apply to loving heterosexual relationships and are in fact toxic. As I often say, heterosexual marriage is based on the exchange of female worldly power for male love. Equal power neuters both sexes.
Our leaders are accomplices to this monstrous hoax. Behind them are the private central bankers who print our currency in the form of a debt to them. They need a world government so no country can default on it. They need a dictatorship so the people cannot end this scam. They need to stunt our natural development by fostering gender confusion so we can be controlled.
The elitists present women's liberation as if a cherished housewife were the same as a concentration camp inmate. They present this vicious psychological assault as "progress," when in fact it is subversion on a grand scale.
Ladies, where do you think feminism came from? It was organized by the US Communist Party, the CIA and the elite media, all instruments of the central bankers. It is funded by the Rockefeller Foundation.
This weekend yet another movie opens about a woman who is a violent killer. "Domino" is the story of a female bounty hunter. The real-life inspiration for this story Domino Harvey died recently of a drug overdose or murder. No wonder young women are confused! Where do they see wives and mothers presented in a positive light? Women are always harried, arguing with men and running off to work.
I get email from feminists who say my articles are "hurtful." It's eerie how they all use that word and repeat the party line. I think it's "hurtful" that the super rich want to take the place of God and nature and enslave humanity. But these feminists don't get it. They don't get "A"'s for connecting feminism with the Rockefellers, Sept. 11 and Iraq, i.e. NWO Central Banker Dictatorship.
Feminism is designed to make women feel unworthy for devoting their lives to the people they love. It forces them out of the house where their employers can control them. It forces infants into joyless daycares subject to conditioning and who-knows-what-else .
I would never stand between anyone and their idea of fulfillment. But ladies, don't be so gullible! You're being defrauded of a lifetime of love. Have your careers later but don't forfeit your femininity and your chance to have a family. -----------------
See my section on "How Heterosexuality Works" C-1
Two Great Books on Biological Gender Differences
Related, a book "Finding the Hero in Your Husband" by Julianna Slattery

for good sex, u need good health

Hypertension is one of the major causes of disabilityand death all over theworld. Hypertension causes heart attacks, strokes,kidney failures and otherdisorder if it is neglected and remains untreated. Inmany cases,hypertension does not cause any symptoms until itcauses complications suchas heart attack and stroke and plays a role of silentkiller in the body. Soit is important to realize that you may have highblood pressure and onlyway to find it out that get your blood pressurechecked at regularintervals.Blood pressure is high when arterial blood pressure iselevated above thenormal ranges. The normal blood pressure reading issystolic 120 overdiastolic 80.Symptoms of Hypertension: a.. Pain experienced at the back of the head andneck on waking up, whichsoon disappears. b.. Dizziness c.. Palpitations d.. Heart pain e.. Frequent urination f.. Nervous tension g.. Fatigue h.. Difficulty in BreathingCauses of Hypertension: a.. Stress and hectic life-style. b.. Vitiation of vata c.. Smoking and an excessive intake of intoxicants d.. Hardening of the arteries e.. Obesity f.. Metabolic disorders g.. Excessive intake of common table salt h.. Overloading of fast foodsAyurvedic Approach to Hypertension:According to Ayurveda, high blood pressure involvesall the doshas, theheart, and the blood vessels.We can see signs andsymptoms of derangement ofvata dosha mainly that of 'Vyana vayu' in high bloodpressure. Thetreatment is to correct the balance of vata
seen often and should be treated.People with Pitta and Vata predominante constitutionand Pitta and Vataimbalance, are more prone to hypertension than anyother. Unprocessed anger,frustration, irritability, anxiety and fear leads tomal-adaptation of theendocrine system, which then leads to conditions likehypertension.Treatment is based on bringing these imbalances backto normal. In thetreatment of hypertension; nutrition, exercise,breathing exercises(Pranayama), yoga, meditation, behavioral modificationalong with variousherbs and minerals are prescribed.Diet:Avoid meat, eggs and saltReduce protein intakeFollow the following vegetarian diet:Vegetables: Garlic, lemon,parsley,Fruits: Indian Gooseberry,Grape fruuit, watermelon,Dairy: Milk,Cottage cheese,clarified butter.Coffee, which contains caffeine, enhances the actionof adrenaline andnoradrenaline and both are important in increasingblood pressure levels.Limit sodium in the diet.Cigarette smokers tend to have high blood pressure.Nicotine increases theresting heart rate and increases the release of theadrenaline.Correct your diet and control your weight. Oneimportant thing to do is loseany excess amount of body fat you have. One of thegood reasons to be slim(lean) is to keep your blood pressure low, losing bodyfat will lower thepressure enough that a person need not take medicineto control bloodpressure. Either you have normal blood pressure or youhave hypertension with high cholesterol levels yourdiet should definitelyof low fat, lowsaturated fat, and low cholesterol diet.With practiceof dietary measuresrecommended in Ayurveda while elaborating \'MedorogaChikitsa\' willdefinitely beneficial in weight reduction. It will behelpful to minimize",1]
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dosha.Pitta visiation is alsoseen often and should be treated.People with Pitta and Vata predominante constitutionand Pitta and Vataimbalance, are more prone to hypertension than anyother. Unprocessed anger,frustration, irritability, anxiety and fear leads tomal-adaptation of theendocrine system, which then leads to conditions likehypertension.Treatment is based on bringing these imbalances backto normal. In thetreatment of hypertension; nutrition, exercise,breathing exercises(Pranayama), yoga, meditation, behavioral modificationalong with variousherbs and minerals are prescribed.Diet:Avoid meat, eggs and saltReduce protein intakeFollow the following vegetarian diet:Vegetables: Garlic, lemon,parsley,Fruits: Indian Gooseberry,Grape fruuit, watermelon,Dairy: Milk,Cottage cheese,clarified butter.Coffee, which contains caffeine, enhances the actionof adrenaline andnoradrenaline and both are important in increasingblood pressure levels.Limit sodium in the diet.Cigarette smokers tend to have high blood pressure.Nicotine increases theresting heart rate and increases the release of theadrenaline.Correct your diet and control your weight. Oneimportant thing to do is loseany excess amount of body fat you have. One of thegood reasons to be slim(lean) is to keep your blood pressure low, losing bodyfat will lower thepressure enough that a person need not take medicineto control bloodpressure. Either you have normal blood pressure or youhave hypertension with high cholesterol levels yourdiet should definitelyof low fat, lowsaturated fat, and low cholesterol diet.With practiceof dietary measuresrecommended in Ayurveda while elaborating 'MedorogaChikitsa' willdefinitely beneficial in weight reduction. It will behelpful to minimize
prevent complication ofhigh blood pressure.Life Style:If you master the techniques of keeping your bloodpressure down, you havemuch less chance of having hypertension later and youare less likelihood ofhaving fatty -cholesterol deposits in your arteries.Even though you have normal blood pressure, you canbenefit yourself withsimple adjustment in lifestyle.Regular Exercise is one of the best ways to lowerblood pressure. Exercisehas to be of right kind. A good exercise programme,particularly enduranceexercises such as jogging or athletics, will cause theperipheral resistanceto decrease. Exercise helps to eliminate body fat,lower total cholesteroland raise HDL cholesterol that prevents fatty -cholesterol deposits.According to Ayurveda exercise improves the body,depletes excess fats,brings lightness of the body.Improving your lifestyle by adoption of ethicalelements mentioned in\'Achara Rasayana\' is must if you really want to stayaway from mental andphysical stress and from eventual hypertension. It iscertain that stresscan cause hypertension. Anxiety, secondary to acutestage can cause rise in your blood pressure.Relaxation and removal ofstress will help to lower mildly elevated levels ofblood pressure.Nurture love and affection. Love and affection andaffectionate touch cansignificantly drop, your blood pressure.Speak truth:Lying has been found to boost blood pressure, becauseit require a lot ofmental exercise. The more you lie, more you addtension, hence you arelikely to get more stress, speak gently; don\'t getannoyed, speaking loudlyand rapidly can significantly raise your bloodpressure during conversation.Sudden risk can shoot up your blood pressure higher.",1]
);
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the risk of fatty cholesterol deposits and willprevent complication ofhigh blood pressure.Life Style:If you master the techniques of keeping your bloodpressure down, you havemuch less chance of having hypertension later and youare less likelihood ofhaving fatty -cholesterol deposits in your arteries.Even though you have normal blood pressure, you canbenefit yourself withsimple adjustment in lifestyle.Regular Exercise is one of the best ways to lowerblood pressure. Exercisehas to be of right kind. A good exercise programme,particularly enduranceexercises such as jogging or athletics, will cause theperipheral resistanceto decrease. Exercise helps to eliminate body fat,lower total cholesteroland raise HDL cholesterol that prevents fatty -cholesterol deposits.According to Ayurveda exercise improves the body,depletes excess fats,brings lightness of the body.Improving your lifestyle by adoption of ethicalelements mentioned in'Achara Rasayana' is must if you really want to stayaway from mental andphysical stress and from eventual hypertension. It iscertain that stresscan cause hypertension. Anxiety, secondary to acutestage can cause rise in your blood pressure.Relaxation and removal ofstress will help to lower mildly elevated levels ofblood pressure.Nurture love and affection. Love and affection andaffectionate touch cansignificantly drop, your blood pressure.Speak truth:Lying has been found to boost blood pressure, becauseit require a lot ofmental exercise. The more you lie, more you addtension, hence you arelikely to get more stress, speak gently; don't getannoyed, speaking loudlyand rapidly can significantly raise your bloodpressure during conversation.Sudden risk can shoot up your blood pressure higher.
it can be a seriousrisk factor for coronary - heart - disease. So becool, speak softly andeven if it is event of extreme displeasure.Laughter is the best medicine:Laughter is as good as relaxation therapy, exercise orother methods used toovercome stress.Study shows that laughter decreases adrenaline andcortisol production.Laughter can help you if you are having high bloodpressure. If you arefrustrated, unhappy, angry, just laugh and findyourself away from rage. Itis of the effective medicine you always have withyour, without spending apenny for it.Yoga and Breath Therapy:For complete tranquillity of mind, meditate in CorpsePose. First,concentrate on the incoming and outgoing breath,focusing on thetemperature of the breath as it flows in and out. Youmay notice the exhaledair is slightly warmer than the inhaled air. If youfocus themind on the breath for 10 minutes, mental disturbancegets diminished andblood pressurenormalizes. Then you can meditate.Ayurvedic medications :Ask your Doctor.Home Remedies:Rasona or garlic is most important substance helpfulin alleviating vatadosha controlling blood pressure. Garlic lowerscholesterol and triglyceridethat have impact on heart disease. A paste made ofabout 1 gm of garlicshould be mixed with a glass of buttermilk. Drink thisbuttermilk twice aday. It will bring your blood pressure down.Soak 1tsp fenugreek seed in water for a night andmunch them early in themorning on empty stomach. It will reduce yourcholesterol and excess fats.c.. Powder of \'Triphala\' should be taken regularly atnight with warm water.This will help maintain constipation and bowels will",1]
);
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Chronic anger produces elevation in blood pressure andit can be a seriousrisk factor for coronary - heart - disease. So becool, speak softly andeven if it is event of extreme displeasure.Laughter is the best medicine:Laughter is as good as relaxation therapy, exercise orother methods used toovercome stress.Study shows that laughter decreases adrenaline andcortisol production.Laughter can help you if you are having high bloodpressure. If you arefrustrated, unhappy, angry, just laugh and findyourself away from rage. Itis of the effective medicine you always have withyour, without spending apenny for it.Yoga and Breath Therapy:For complete tranquillity of mind, meditate in CorpsePose. First,concentrate on the incoming and outgoing breath,focusing on thetemperature of the breath as it flows in and out. Youmay notice the exhaledair is slightly warmer than the inhaled air. If youfocus themind on the breath for 10 minutes, mental disturbancegets diminished andblood pressurenormalizes. Then you can meditate.Ayurvedic medications :Ask your Doctor.Home Remedies:Rasona or garlic is most important substance helpfulin alleviating vatadosha controlling blood pressure. Garlic lowerscholesterol and triglyceridethat have impact on heart disease. A paste made ofabout 1 gm of garlicshould be mixed with a glass of buttermilk. Drink thisbuttermilk twice aday. It will bring your blood pressure down.Soak 1tsp fenugreek seed in water for a night andmunch them early in themorning on empty stomach. It will reduce yourcholesterol and excess fats.c.. Powder of 'Triphala' should be taken regularly atnight with warm water.This will help maintain constipation and bowels will
Approach according to dosha predominance inHypertension:When Vata predominates, An increase in blood pressurewill be followed byworry, strain, overwork, anxiety or insomnia.It frequently associated with nervous systemdisorders.anxiety, worry,stress, and strain, are usually the main factors,therefore, treat thepsychological conditions.Vata Treatment - Take 125 mg.of serpagandha (raulfiaserpentina) andjatamansi 3 times daily for 2 - 3 months.Garlic is very good for this condition. Eat an entirecrushed clove (withhoney) once or twice a week.Take nutmeg or saraswat powder in warm milk.Take Ashwagandha preparations.When Pitta predominates, anger,nose bleed,Irritability, and Violentheadaches Sensitivity to light contribute to highblood pressure.Pitta Treatment - Use tranquilizing herbs that havecold potency. Forexample, take 250 mg. of gotukola at night.Brahma RasayanaSaraswat powderTo purify Pitta, take 1 gram each of Indiansarsaparilla (sariva) for 15days.When Kapha is prominent, there may be dullheadache,edema, lethargy withobesity.blood pressure remains continually high. (nofluctuation as in Pittahypertension.)Kapha Treatment - Avoid dairy, butter, eggs and highfat foods.- 1 gm. of guggulu or arjuna twice daily, or 250 mg.of shilajit 3 timesdaily for 3 months can be taken.Kapha type of hypertension is almost due toarteriosclerosis (deposition offat inside the arteries - making their lumen narrow-causing hypertension).All the above herbs remove arteriosclerosis. Optimalmixture is Triphalaguggulu 1 gm. daily for 3 months.100 mg. of cardamom and cinnamon 3 times daily isbeneficial. Take thesemixtures for 3 months. Regularly check blood pressure.",1]
);
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remain clean.Approach according to dosha predominance inHypertension:When Vata predominates, An increase in blood pressurewill be followed byworry, strain, overwork, anxiety or insomnia.It frequently associated with nervous systemdisorders.anxiety, worry,stress, and strain, are usually the main factors,therefore, treat thepsychological conditions.Vata Treatment - Take 125 mg.of serpagandha (raulfiaserpentina) andjatamansi 3 times daily for 2 - 3 months.Garlic is very good for this condition. Eat an entirecrushed clove (withhoney) once or twice a week.Take nutmeg or saraswat powder in warm milk.Take Ashwagandha preparations.When Pitta predominates, anger,nose bleed,Irritability, and Violentheadaches Sensitivity to light contribute to highblood pressure.Pitta Treatment - Use tranquilizing herbs that havecold potency. Forexample, take 250 mg. of gotukola at night.Brahma RasayanaSaraswat powderTo purify Pitta, take 1 gram each of Indiansarsaparilla (sariva) for 15days.When Kapha is prominent, there may be dullheadache,edema, lethargy withobesity.blood pressure remains continually high. (nofluctuation as in Pittahypertension.)Kapha Treatment - Avoid dairy, butter, eggs and highfat foods.- 1 gm. of guggulu or arjuna twice daily, or 250 mg.of shilajit 3 timesdaily for 3 months can be taken.Kapha type of hypertension is almost due toarteriosclerosis (deposition offat inside the arteries - making their lumen narrow-causing hypertension).All the above herbs remove arteriosclerosis. Optimalmixture is Triphalaguggulu 1 gm. daily for 3 months.100 mg. of cardamom and cinnamon 3 times daily isbeneficial. Take thesemixtures for 3 months. Regularly check blood pressure.

- gott dis from Pithaly

old women and sex

A new film breaks one of the last taboos: old women and sex.
By Stephanie Bunbury.

Anne Reid says she was employed to play May, a pensionable widow who has an affair with her son's young builder, because the filmmakers wanted someone nobody would look at twice in the street.

"I don't know what I think about that," the actor says sharply. At 69, she thinks she is still in pretty good shape.

Reid stars in Roger Michell's film The Mother, which is scripted by the novelist Hanif Kureishi and is remarkable simply because it dares to break one of the cinema's few remaining taboos - the idea that a post-menopausal woman might be interested in sex.

"I think people can't bear to think their parents have sex with each other, let alone other people," says Michell. "The idea that old people, particularly old women, should be annexed from sexual experience is pretty universal."

Which is nonsense, as Anne Reid says. "Women don't lose their desire for sex at 55. I fancy young men all the time. They don't fancy me, unfortunately."

Reid is familiar only, if at all, from television comedies such as Dinnerladies. Her forte, as she says, is making people chuckle. She never expected to get a lead role like this, although in truth May is scarcely more glamorous than one of Victoria Wood's canteen workers.

When we meet May, she is fitting her life around the demands of a cantankerous husband (Peter Vaughan) on a visit to London from their home in the provinces, the pair of them clearly in the way of their ambitious, messed-up adult children. Her greatest ambition, constantly thwarted, is simply not to upset anyone.

When May's husband dies, her grief is tempered by a kind of unacknowledged relief.

She is free, but to do what? When she asks the amiable builder, played by Daniel Craig, to come upstairs with her, she momentarily sloughs off the daily dutifulness of a whole life.

"She hasn't lived," says Reid. "She doesn't know what good sex is and if she doesn't grab the opportunity now, she never will. She'll die without knowing."

May is typical, Reid says, of a whole generation. "I was on the tail end of it, but you married a virgin and that was it. A lot of women of my age did their duty, had a couple of kids and then thought, 'I don't like this very much, but there's nothing I can do about it'."

Finally, however, May can do something about it. In the airy transience of the half-built conservatory, just two people shut in a room together, it seems possible to say what she wants.

It doesn't end beautifully for her, Michell says, "but I think it ends better than if she had just gone back to that house and stared at her husband's slippers."

"There is a lot of me in this," says Reid. "I know what it's like to give up your own life; I did it for 15 years when my mother was ill and I had a small child at home. My husband developed cancer. There was no room for my career and I thought I'd had the last of it . . .

But when my husband died, I thought, 'What will become of me?' "
Gradually, she went back to the stage; incredibly, her life began again.

The Mother is now showing.

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/06/30/1088488016050.html?from=storylhs

lingam

today guys dont love
they fuck

we need to lissen to the early sages of India

http://www.whitelotuseast.com/LingamMassage.htm

http://www.templenet.com/beliefs/shivling.htm

Poor sex ......

Impotence
Impotence or erectile dysfunction affects 10-15 percent of all males and can be emotionally and psychologically disabling for men and their partners. In 80% of erectile dysfunction cases, physical factors such as drugs, blood flow abnormalities, nerve impulse abnormalities or hormonal abnormalities are the major causes. Psychological factors account for the remaining cases and may be attributed to stress, performance anxiety and misinformation about sexuality. Impotency is defined as An inability to get or maintain an erection, a potential side effect of treatments, e.g., lack of testosterone or damage to the cavernous nerves. Impotence or erectile dysfunction is the inability to achieve an erection, and/or dissatisfaction with the size, rigidity, and/or duration of erections. Erectile dysfunction affects millions of men. Although in the past it was commonly believed to be due to psychological problems, it is now known that 80 to 90 percent of impotence is caused by physical problems, usually related to the blood supply of the penis. Many advances have occurred in both diagnosis and treatment of erectile dysfunction.

ORGANIC IMPOTENCE
Organic impotence involves the penile arteries, veins, or both, and is the most common cause of impotence, especially in older men. When the problem is arterial, it is usually caused by arteriosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries, although trauma to the arteries may be the cause. The controllable risk factors for arteriosclerosis - being overweight, lack of exercise, high cholesterol, high blood pressure,

and cigarette smoking - can cause erectile failure often before progressing to affect the heart.

Many experts believe that when veins are the cause, a venous leak or "cavernosal failure" is the most common vascular problem.
Read more

i want to get married, but ........

k

How to flirt, advice for woomen .....

This book, by author Joyce Jillson, is slightly dated. However, it still contains some good worthwhile ideas.


and pleeezzzzz dont never ever do wat notty Nadine does


Here are Ms. Jillson's three biggest tips on flirting:
Be friendly.
Don't let past rejections cloud your judgement or make you paranoid about an interaction going on right now (that's fair to neither of you).
Be prepared, both physically and emotionally.

This means looking your best as often as you can (people do meet in the oddest places...), and not dragging past or present personal troubles into a new interaction.

Here are Ms. Jillson's tips for "being popular":
"Be the bearer of good news"
Be a good listener
Go out of your way to meet new people
Pick up the telephone
Learn when not to say anything (i.e. perhaps cut back on the malicious gossip)

Other ideas she mentioned included "being playful yet persistent," showing vulnerabilities, flirting with no expectation of reward (i.e. just for fun, without a win/lose mentality), learning to dance, and contributing and/or appreciating good humor.


Ms. Jillson's "Ways to be a Great Flirt":
Use flattery
Say "Hello" with energy
Shake hands (depending on circumstances)
Make immediate, direct eye contact
Repeat the person's name
Ask "no one ever asked me that before!" questions
Ask for your new friend's life story
Have something to say by keeping up-to-date
Play with a piece of clothing (i.e. dangling your shoe, playing with an earring, stirring a drink, adjusting your hair, etc.)
Whisper


"Help someone get out of an old routine, and into a new one" (i.e. introduce them to some new activity or form of art or whatever)
"Leave them wanting more"
"Create and use nicknames"
"Drop Names" (i.e. show your connections to other people in your flirting partner's community)
"Wear, bring, or carry something unusual"


Limit the amount of time you flirt (to take the pressure off yourself if you haven't yet gotten to the point where flirting is just fun)
Set a numerical goal (i.e. "I will flirt with four people tonight, for my own good...")

Ms. Jillson's "5 Don'ts of Flirting":

Don't depend on others to make things happen

Don't tease (i.e. offering more than you intend to give...i.e. cock tease)

Don't cling

Don't dwell on your performance

Don't fidget



She also recommends, when appropriate, (1) subtly mimicing the other person's gestures and (2) smiling.






Appropriate use of touch was discussed at length (psychological studies show that casual touching during a friendly conversation causes people to remember the conversation more fondly after the fact).

Ms. Jillson mentioned brushing lint off someone's jacket, touching someone's hand as punctuation to making a point in the conversation, etc. "Accidental touch" (i.e. reaching for the saltshaker at the same time) was also mentioned favorably.

Ms. Jillson also had some gender-role specific advice.
Here are a few examples: "Women are less likely to engage in conversation with a man sitting by himself if he is smoking; the [male] flirt who can sit still and do nothing - neither drink, smoke, nor fidget - is most likely to find someone cozying up to him" and "For women, hair is one of the great flirting props; playing with hair, not combing it, but pushing it, shaking it, twisting it are very sexy come-ons" and "As for makeup, women should chuck most of it (with the possible exception of mascara)."

Here's what Ms. Jillson has to say about eye contact: "While staring or holding a gaze a second longer than usual will succeed in attracting notice, so will other subtle and more tasteful eye contact; try this: Throw a glance to a person, and then, as soon as your flirting partner turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes. This is very effective for both men and women." She also says, "Another technique that successful male flirts use is the darting eye. Women have less luck with this because it is a bit aggressive and somehow has masculine connotations. Take a quick look at a woman once; then return your eyes to their normal position; take a second look, held much longer; and then a third look where you turn your head in her direction but do not direct your eyes at her. The third move makes you appear less intrusive, but still confronts her in a manageable way."
[By the way, I'm feeling the need to point out that this book was largely written from a mainstream het perspective. The author didn't comment on how any of these gender-role specific things tend to be different between same-sex male or female couples. Also, I have to say that flirting styles can sometimes differ depending on what community you're in; I've noticed in the BDSM community, for example, that flirting tends to be much more direct and verbal (probably because play would have to be verbally negotiated anyway), and that it's much more acceptable if not downright encouraged for women to use the sort of eye contact that is described as "aggressive" above.]
With regard to hands, Ms. Jillson recommends rhythmic, repetitive motions such as rubbing your keys or playing with some other item (motions which she describes as soothing and alluring). She also claims that the most flirtatious part of the hand is the inner wrist, and that "any movements where you inadvertently reveal the inner wrist to your flirting partner can be disarming" [this probabaly isn't as critical as what you do with your eyes and the rest of your body language, though]. Crossing arms in front of you implies unapproachability: "in flirting, think openness."
With regard to legs, Ms. Jillson has the following advice: "Crossed legs or ankles can be flirtatious on women, if not done in a clenched manner. Men should stick with crossed ankles. However, both men and women should cross their legs in the direction of the person they are flirting with or trying to flirt with. Undoing and crossing your legs or ankles in this position, sitting with your legs uncrossed in-between, carries an excellent flirting message and a very sexual one [probably moreso when done by women than men]."
[What I've seen of male-male cruising is that many of these gestures are simplified and more overtly sexual: putting one's thumbs in the pockets of one's jeans such that the hands point towards the genitals is common, as is the classic "cruising glance" - looking in the eyes, looking down towards the genitals, and then back to the eyes.]
Other props Ms. Jillson mentions are sunglasses (which can be played with and used to cover or uncover the eyes, and which allow "browsing" a room without being too obvious about it) and flowers (when brought by men to women; apparently they don't work as well when brought by women to men).
At cocktail parties and such, often one of the hosts will introduce new people to other people at the party. When being introduced, Ms. Jillson's advice is to "always put out your hand and always say the person's name and always ask a question." The conversation needs to get started somehow, and unless something more substantial appears than the handshake the introduction is just going to sit there. If you forget someone's name, take this as an opportunity to talk to them again just before you leave.
Ms. Jillson strongly discourages the use of "pick up lines" or other pet phrases to start conversations; they almost never seem to come off well. Also, questions which have "yes/no" answers tend not to be the best conversation openers; questions which begin with "I feel," "I think," "I wonder," etc. are better.
Ms. Jillson's tips for flirting at parties are:
When you first get there, grab some food or a drink and notice what seems to be going on socially, what the dynamic seems to be, etc. The people who seem lost will be the easiest folk to successfully flirt with.
Assume that everyone is socially nervous; cut them some slack if things initially seem awkward, and look for ways you can make people more comfortable. Ms. Jillson's tips for creating a flirtatious and cozy environment at home are:
Have a cozy place to sit (those L-shaped couches are best).
Keep the temperature on the warm side.
Keep the place homey and not too sterile (silly books, knicknacks, games, etc. tend to help).
Be able to adjust the lighting (dimmer switches are nice, and candles are probably the most romantic way to illuminate the room).
Clear out your medicine cabinet: keeping old bottles of prescription medications for maladies you no longer have invites idle (and often incorrect) speculation. Well, that's all. Have fun!



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i wish ....

i wish i were dat hoss
but God forbid!




not the lady


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