how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he's gotten herphone number

If you've seen the classic cult movie"Swingers", then you probably remember the partwhere the guys are discussing how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he's gotten herphone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guysbecause it gets down to a real-world situationthat we all confront and ponder.
I get a lot of emails from guys asking me whatto do in this very situation.
The more I've thought about it, the more Irealize that this particular question (and theanswer to it) are part of a bigger, more importantCONCEPT about how to deal with women.
Let me explain.
When a guy asks me "How long should I wait tocall her?" this immediately tells me a few ofthings:
1) The guy doesn't feel like he's in control ofthe situation. If he felt like he was in control,then it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn'tmatter.
2) The guy doesn't really "get" how male/femaleattraction works. If he did get it, then he'd bethinking in those terms rather than trying tofigure out the exact best amount of time to waitbefore calling.
To put it differently, the "when do I call herback?" problem is part of a bigger concept, andonce you understand that bigger concept better,then you'll have an automatic feel for when tocall a woman back.
Most guys don't "get" one simple point:
If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you,then you must behave differently than if you wanther to feel that "just friends" feeling.
In the world of ATTRACTION, things arecompletely different.
For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to"be nice" to women. This usually includes beingsweet and complimentary when first meeting them,answering all of their questions directly, andgiving them what they want when they want it.
But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANTGUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning,then you're going to have to put aside this kindof thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.
For instance:
1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.
2) Teasing and being evasive is generallyattractive to women.
3) Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirtyway, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, canlead to ATTRACTION.
- By the way, psychology is one of my VERYfavorite topics, and the psychology of creatingattraction is FASCINATING. If you're as interestedin it as I am, then you should check this out aswell:
http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AttractionBook
I'm trying to communicate the idea that whenyou're dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to putaside old "normal" ways of thinking and behaving.
I would like to mention one more point beforegetting into the specifics here...
These days, people are becoming very sensitiveto having "techniques" used on them.
If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, weimmediately get defensive and resistant.
If a panhandler asks for money in a way thatsmells of "tricks or "techniques" we pass them bywithout pity.
If a business treats us like a "thing" or anumber instead of an individual person, we avoidthem or buy elsewhere.
We humans don't like having manipulationtechniques used on us, and when we detect thatsomeone or something is using one to get thebetter of us, we resist.
So let's get back to the "how long to waitbefore calling her back" issue.
If you think about it, every situation isslightly different. One time you might meet awoman in the morning at coffee, and another timeyou might meet a woman at a club at 1 in themorning.
If you wait too long to call her back, I thinkyou run the risk of seeming like you're just usinga technique on her and you come across as a playerwho's trying to do your thing on her.
When deciding how long to wait before you callor email, I think it's important to ask yourselfthis question:
"What will likely INCREASE THE ATTRACTION inthis situation?"
Here are a couple of ideas I have used withgreat success:
1) Email instead of calling first. I personallyemail the next day. I'll start with a charmingemail to get the conversation started and thentell her that I'm going to call in a day or two.This has the effect of making contact with herrelatively quickly, but still creatinganticipation because you haven't actually talked.
2) Call the next day, and make a joke about thesituation. I might call and say, "Yeah, I waswatching Swingers and they said to wait three daysto call, but I was kind of in more of a one daymood..."
If you didn't get her email address and youMUST use the phone, just do your best to avoidbeing AVERAGE.
I personally believe that our attention spansas humans are getting shorter and shorter. We havemore and more information coming in fromtelevision, newspapers and other sources - andwe're getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if youwait too long, you're risking either being seen asusing a technique, or risking being forgottenaltogether.
But if you make the opposite mistake and calltoo soon (for instance a few hours later), you runthe risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has nolife.
In past newsletters, I have written about whyit's important to leave immediately after gettinga woman's email and/or number.
How long you should wait to call her back is anatural extension of this.
As a matter of fact, if you get a woman'semail/number and then you keep coming over to talkto her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutesto call her.
There's no anticipation, and it says all thewrong things.
A couple of other quick pointers for whenyou're making that first call:
1) Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join youfor tea or something similar, make sure youmention two times that you're busy for every onetime that you're available.
2) Don't linger on the phone. Make that first callshort and to the point. If you stay on the phonefor more than a few minutes, you're running therisk of getting into a normal "What do you do?","Where do you live?", "Where did you go toschool?" conversation. Avoid this.
To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so tocontact her again.
But more importantly, think about the situationin terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so whenyou do make contact it creates the correctcontext.
And now I have another question...
Do you enjoy learning the PSYCHOLOGY of how tocreate ATTRACTION with women? And do you enjoylearning the psychology of how to create moreinternal confidence... and how to overcome your"Inner Game" psychological issues?
Yeah, me too.
In fact, I think that the PSYCHOLOGY of successwith women and dating is the MOST interestingpart.
One more question...
Would you like to get an IN-DEPTH education inhow to "fix" your Inner Game issues, and becomethe kind of man that women are searching for?
If so, then I highly recommend that you checkout my program "Deep Inner Game". This program isjust PACKED with tools and techniques forovercoming your inner psychological challenges.
Go check out some great video clips of theprogram here:
http://www.DatingTechniques.com/DeepInnerGame
Of course, if you'd like to get my bestthinking on how to deal with different situationsand make a woman feel that magical emotion calledATTRACTION for you, then you need to read my book"Double Your Dating". It's full of all my bestthinking and ideas about how to attract the kindsof women that you've always wanted. Just go to:
http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook
And if you're ready to REALLY take your game tothe next level with women, then you need to stepit up and get yourself a copy of my AdvancedDating Techniques CD/DVD Program.
This program is over twelve full hours ofdigitally recorded and edited audio and video ofme PERSONALLY teaching you HUNDREDS of concepts,ideas, and step-by- step techniques for everysituation with women.
I'll teach you the techniques I use personallyto overcome fear, approach women, get phonenumbers, and get dates... and even how I takethings to a "physical" level with women.
Best part?
I'll send it to you to try at MY RISK... andyou don't even have to give me any money up front.Really.
Test it all out, and if it doesn't work, justsend it back to me and I won't charge you.
Check out some great samples, and get all thedetails here:
http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AdvancedSeries
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. If you want to see all of the differentprograms I've created to help you learn how toovercome fear, approach women, meet women on theinternet, take things to a physical levelsmoothly, etc., plus watch video clips of all ofmy programs, just go here:
http://www.DatingTechniques.com/Catalog/