How to get laid

Be extra nice to women
Don’t say anything to put a woman off
Do sweet things to make her like you
Convince her that you’re “similar” to her
Build “rapport” and commonality with her
Don’t argue with her
…and on and on...
All USELESS.

Fortunately, as I was learning all of this useless stuff, I ALSO made it a point to get to know some guys who were “masters” of the dating game.
I interviewed them, went out with them, and got inside their minds to find out how they were THINKING about meeting women… but I still didn’t quite “get it”.
When I look back on it now, I wonder how I could have NOT SEEN what was going on… it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
I went out one night with a new friend of mine (a neighbor I’d met recently who was good with women)… and we were talking to a lot of women.
I was being a “nice guy”… and he was being… well… something VERY different.
He wasn’t being “mean”, but he was definitely saying some “edgy” stuff.
He was teasing women… he was busting on them… and he was acting kind of arrogant.
It actually made me uncomfortable.
At one point, he took me aside to have a “talk” with me… he tried to explain to me that I just wasn’t getting it, and that I needed to stop being so damn NICE. He also tried to explain how he uses humor with women.
It made no sense at all.
In fact, he and I went out several times after that… and each time he tried to explain this way of being around women… he used the words “cocky” and “funny” to try to explain it to me (and I just was NOT getting it).
Made no sense at all.
I couldn’t connect the idea of being “cocky” to the idea of making a woman interested in you.
About that time, I made another friend who was very good with women. (Remember something as I tell you these stories… these guys were NATURALLY good with women. They had figured out their “systems” on their own. And these guys didn’t KNOW EACH OTHER.)
This second friend was very different from the first.
He was a lot “friendlier” when it came to personality… he was more social… and he was older.
As we went out together to meet women, I watched him start conversations and interact with women… alone, in groups, in every combination.
And he did something that was very interesting…
He always teased them.
He said crass things.
Every time a woman would try to brag about something, he made fun of her.
It was very different from my first friend, but somehow the same.
At first I didn’t see the similarity, because these guys were so different.
Finally, I made friends with yet ANOTHER guy who had, yet again, another COMPLETELY different style.
He spent more time meeting women on the internet, and more time doing creative things like writing, etc.
This guy came up with some of the funniest things to say to women… and he used them over and over.
Once again, very different from the other two… but somehow the same.
That’s when the puzzle really started to come together for me…
And when it did, ohhhh baby.
One night I remember going out with my FIRST friend… and he could tell that I was finally starting to “get it”. On the way out, he advised me to not be so NICE that night, and to just sit back, make fun of women, and let them come to me.
So that’s what I did.
The first girl that I started talking to was a very sweet, friendly girl.
I just leaned back, made fun of her, and acted totally uninterested.
She sat on my lap.
I was shocked.
I left that night with her phone number... and got a date with her a few days later.
In my head I said “Note to self…”
Well, over the next few years I refined and developed this totally new concept, and created the technique I call “Cocky & Funny” (and later “Cocky Comedy”).

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fear of approaching women

Here are the biggest mistakes when it comes to approaching women:
MISTAKE #1: Not Knowing How To DealWith Fear And Shyness
We are ALL afraid.
That's right. ALL of us are afraid.
In life, we all have fears… and it's up to each of us as individuals to either choose to overcome those fears… or choose to let those fears run our lives.
For most of us guys, we experience intense fear and shyness when it comes to APPROACHING women that we don't know.
Here's the part that's a “pain in the ass”: When you're experiencing fear and shyness, it feels like you're the ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD who has EVER felt this way.
The feeling can be SO intense, that it seems IMPOSSIBLE that anyone else could POSSIBLY have a “case” as bad as you. Know what I mean?
I laugh when I think about it, actually.
I have spent many, many hours in situations… looking at a woman that I'd like to approach… but just not being able to do it.
Then, later… after it's all over… I think BACK to the situation… and shake my head because I just couldn't figure out how to overcome my own FEAR… and just TALK TO HER.
The desperation that resulted from these situations was intense. It was embarrassing. It was demoralizing . It sucked.
As a man, one of the worst feelings you can have is that something is making you feel like LESS than a man. And this was one of those situations for me.
I'm kind of hard-headed sometimes. Maybe I like punishment more than others… or maybe I just like to beat my head against the wall longer than most.
In any event… I didn't give up.
Even though I was going through this experience over and over… of seeing a woman I wanted to meet… feeling fear and apprehension… not being able to get up the nerve to go talk to her… then thinking about it for hours (or days) after it happened… I just wouldn't let go.
I became determined to “crack the code” on this one.
Well, one of the big “ah ha!” moments I had was the SIMPLE act of learning that I WASN'T ALONE.
Just like it takes some “nerve” to approach a woman, it ALSO takes nerve to ADMIT when you're having challenges in life.
And one of the things I learned about my “fear of approaching women” was that instead of being “abnormal”, I was actually TYPICAL.
Imagine that.
Here I was thinking that I was emotionally retarded… and then I find out that MOST guys have this same issue… and it's just as intense for THEM as it is FOR ME!
Misery loves company… as they say. I guess that just learning I wasn't alone was enough to really encourage me.
But then I learned something even MORE important while I was learning how to overcome my own fears: I learned that MANY OTHER GUYS had figured out how to OVERCOME this “fear and shyness issue”… which led me to my next “ah ha!” moment:
IF THEY CAN DO IT, THEN SO CAN I.
And I'll tell you something right now: SO CAN YOU. And if you're open-minded and willing to do a little work on your part, then I'd like to show YOU how to do it…
MISTAKE #2: Expecting The Worst
I have spent a lot of years reading Psychology and “Self Help” books… and listening to audio programs… and going to seminars…
I've also spent a tremendous amount of time “testing out” the ideas that I've learned in these various books and programs.
As a result of all this “trying stuff out”, I've come to the realization that EXPECTATIONS play a very important part in RESULTS in life.
People who always expect bad things to happen… wind up having a lot of bad things happen to them.
People who only expect good things… wind up having a lot of good things happen.
Is this Voodoo? Am I talking about freaky New Age ideas that have no basis in reality of any kind?
No.
I've never tried Voodoo, by the way… but if you have, and it works, let me know. I'm always looking for new ideas that WORK!
OK, back to the point…
I believe that the REASON why expectations are so powerful has to do with the part of your mind that psychologists refer to as the “unconscious mind”. Some call it the “subconscious mind”.
This is the part of your mind that's “always on”… but it's working “behind the scenes”.
Have you ever been walking along… or driving… and you sensed danger out of the corner of your eye… and before you knew it, you INSTANTLY responded to avoid the danger?
Things like this happen to us all the time… but we don't really THINK about what's happening in moments like these.
The reality is that when we go through an experience like this, there are “miracles” happening inside of us.
In an instant, before we have time to “think” about what's happening, our entire mind and body have “taken over” and moved us out of the way of harm.
If you take just one aspect of one of these situations, the PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS, and examine it… you'll find that more is going on than “meets the eye”.
In order for your mind to perceive the danger, realize that it IS danger, figure out how to respond, then get the body to actually MOVE in away that gets you out of the path of danger… requires a MASSIVE amount of “computing power”.
Fortunately for you, all of the “computations” are being done outside of your “conscious” awareness.
But WHERE is it all being done? How is it that you “know” what to do… and you even DO it… before you “realize” what's going on?
It's all being done in this part of your mind that I'm talking about. It's all happening on the UNCONSCIOUS level.
Now, think about THIS for a minute:
Most men who have problems approaching women have one peculiar thing in common: They are all EXPECTING negative outcomes from the approach.
And they also have a SECOND thing in common: They don't CONSCIOUSLY REALIZE that all of their expectations are negative.
If you take time to ask, or you stop to think about how it happens for YOU, I think you'll realize that when you think about approaching a woman, your UNCONSCIOUS mind starts to INSTANTLY think about all the NEGATIVE things that might happen.
In fact, for most guys, this “negative expectation program” literally TAKES OVER… and they CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE a positive outcome.
This “negative expectation” thing is kind of a bitch, by the way.
It's painful… and it's not easy to change…
UNLESS, that is… you know HOW.
You've learned one of the most important pieces of the puzzle for changing: AWARENESS.
Now that you KNOW about it, you can start to AFFECT IT…
Now you need to learn some specific techniques to REVERSE this thinking… and begin to expect POSITIVE things to happen when you approach women…
MISTAKE #3: Making The WRONG First Impression
Another important think I learned about approaching women is actually something pretty OBVIOUS, when you think about it:
Attractive women are “approached”… one way or another… CONSTANTLY.
Women who are attractive are approached in a hundred different ways every day.
Sometimes it's a co-worker walking by her desk and smiling “too many times” a day…
Sometimes it's a guy holding a door open a little too long, just hoping to start a conversation…
Sometimes it's a random email from a guy she doesn't know telling her that he saw her picture online and thinks she's beautiful…
Sometimes it's a friend who keeps sharing his “feelings” for her…
And the more she's approached (both subtly and not so subtly), the more she develops a powerful “radar system” that alerts her to a man's intentions.
Most men don't realize that their lame attempts to get a woman's attention are HURTING them. They don't realize that the things they're doing are actually giving her a NEGATIVE impression… and making it so that it's almost IMPOSSIBLE for her to be attracted.
You've probably heard me say that “Women aren't attracted to Wussies!”.
It's true, by the way.
Let me ask you a couple of questions:
1) How many chances do you get to make a first impression on a woman?
2) What impression do most men give off when they approach a woman?
Right, the WUSSY impression.
And women have such a finely-tuned “Wussy Radar” system, that's I've actually given it a NAME… I call it WUSS-DAR.
If the impression you make on a woman is that you're a WUSSY, then it really doesn't MATTER if you've learned to overcome your fear of approaching her… because she's not going to feel any ATTRACTION for you ANYWAY.
You can train for ten years and become the fastest runner in the world… but if you start off the race running in the WRONG DIRECTION it's going to be pretty hard to WIN.
So remember: When you approach a woman, make sure the IMPRESSION she's getting is one that triggers ATTRACTION.
There are a lot of specific ways to create this impression, and I'll tell you some of them right now…
But REMEMBER: DON'T GIVE HER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE A WUSSY.
MISTAKE #4: Seeking Her Approval Or Acceptance
If I could go around the world, and take ALL of the situations that happened today where a man approached a woman that he was interested in dating… and then summarize and “condense” them into ONE “scene”, it would have an easy-to-recognize theme…
It would be a man who's nervous and shy… who is trying to FIRST get the woman to LIKE AND ACCEPT HIM.
For most guys, they have it in their mind that they need to get what psychologists call “approval”.
They think that the most important thing is that she LIKE him.
Here's what it looks like to the woman…
It's like a guy is walking up with a big sign on his forehead that reads: “I want you to think that I'm a nice, sweet, caring, considerate man… and I would do almost anything to make you like and accept me”.
And guess what?
IT DOESN'T WORK.
It never works.
Well, let me correct myself…
You will never win the lottery.
You MIGHT actually win the lottery… but you probably won't.
And you MIGHT get a woman to feel attracted to her by working to get her attention and approval…
But you probably won't.
I think I've made my point.
Using the “kiss her ass and hope she likes me” strategy is a loser. It does not trigger attraction. It never will.
Hugh Hefner and Brad Pitt will probably write to me to disagree… and then I'll stand corrected.
But for regular guys like you and me, it ain't gonna happen.
ATTRACTION is triggered by a TOTALLY DIFFERENT message.
It's created by a man who knows how to TRIGGER the attraction when he approaches… not by the man who HOPES it will happen if he's a NICE, SWEET, WONDERFUL GUY.
In short, DON'T SEEK HER APPROVAL OR ACCEPTANCE.
She'll smell the Inner Wuss coming out, and she'll shut you down faster than you can say “I touch myself”.
MISTAKE #5: Thinking You Need To Be“Original And Creative”
Answer this question:
When you see an attractive woman that you'd like to meet… and you start thinking about how to approach her and start a conversation… what's the FIRST thing you think of to SAY to her?
As you know, it can be TORTURE to try to come up with what to say.
This torture, of course, is SELF-INFLICTED.
And there's a common “theme” at the root of this “self torture”.
This theme is that when we see a woman that we'd like to meet, we tend to think to ourselves, “I need to come up with something ORIGINAL and CREATIVE to say to her”.
Why do we do this?
Because we DON'T want to come across as insincere… or even CHEESY.
So we look at her… try to notice something about her… maybe try to come up with some kind of original compliment… or creative humor.
Here's the problem:
That attractive woman has men looking at her ALL DAY… EVERY DAY.
And they're all thinking the SAME THING.
From HER perspective, every guy is walking up to her and saying one of the SAME FEW THINGS.
The irony is that in our desire and attempt to be ORIGINAL…we wind up saying essentially the SAME THING as the last hundred guys…
And TO HER, it comes across in EXACTLY THE WRONG WAY.
The “original, sincere, real” compliment we give her is just like the last bazillion she got…
And you just become one more “link” in the “mental sausage chain” in her mind.
Really.
So what's the solution?
The solution is to LEARN what to say when you start a conversation with women. Learn how the PROS do it… so you can get an UNDERSTANDING of what actually WORKS.
Only after you've learned from several experts… and then used their methods in the REAL WORLD… should you try to be “creative and original”.
MISTAKE #6: Not Having An ARSENALOf Techniques “At The Ready”
You may have noticed that the mistakes I've been talking about have little or nothing to do with “pick up lines” and “techniques”.
Why is this?
It's pretty simple, really…
If you have all these other issues handled, then good “pick up lines” and other techniques are like GUNPOWDER. They're INCREDIBLY powerful.
If you DON'T have these other issues handled, the best techniques in the world can't help you.
So, STEP ONE is to get these other issues handled.
Step TWO is to then learn the very best opening lines and other techniques… so you have “proven systems” for approaching women and starting conversations in ANY situation.
Until now, there's been nowhere to go for the solutions to ANY of these problems.
Now there's a place where you can learn to overcome and CONQUER all of these different problems… PLUS get an intensive training on all of the best step-by-step techniques and “pick up lines” for every possible situation…
Now YOU Can Learn ToApproach A Woman In Any Situation...And Never Worry About“What COULD Have Been...”Ever Again...

Sex appeal

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Hi Mate...From the Land Downunder... I think we'll just callyou "Son of Croc Dundee."Here's an interesting observation, a success storyand a question.The observation.In the late eighties/ early nineties at the heightof the feminist "revolution" in Oz there was aconstant refrain from women ... "Where have allthe men gone?" It was in the media, and womenspoke about this 'ailment' continually. Well theshort answer to this question is that they (thewomen) had neutered them (the men) ... or ratherthe men had allowed themselves to be neutered.What you're doing here is important. Single handedyou're giving men back their self respect.The success story.I ran a version of that personal ad. The phonedidn't stop running hot for two weeks. If I hadwings I would fly. I might do it anyway.The question.Looking back on my two most recent (didn't workout) relationships that were pre "Son of CrocDundee" I noticed a pattern. The 'didn't workout' part happened when I was under some pressureand the wimpy part of me emerged.Now... everyone has problems, and I'm usuallystrong enough to handle them. However, within thelaw of the "Son of Croc Dundee" should you neverbe "weak"? Hard call for a sensitive soul. What'sthe balance here?What say you Maestro?K.P.S. AND... to those who haven't bought the book.Run, jump, fly, swim as fast as you can to thatdownload page. It'll be the best investment you'vemade since you were 13 and read that copy ofPenthouse that you'd found under your Father'sbed.>>>MY COMMENTS: You know... you say that back in the late 80sand early 90s women were asking "Where have allthe men gone?"... Well, I think that women are saying it morethan EVER now. I'm going to handle this in two parts. First Iwant to address your initial comments, then I'dlike to answer your question. So first, yourcomments... One of my best friends told me about atelevision show he saw that featured a woman whowas talking about male/female relationshipdynamics. This woman was basically saying that a lot ofmen in this day and age were raised by singlemothers, and that this has led to more and moremen acting like, well, girly-men. And, of course,single women aren't looking for wussy-girly-men...they're looking for "real" men. I personally find this idea very intriguing. When I watched the movie "Crouching Tiger,Hidden Dragon"..., I saw something veryinteresting. Part of the plot revolved around aforbidden-love relationship. It's a common "movie"theme, and it occurs in real life often as well.Here's a summary... In this movie, there was a troubled teenagegirl who was arranged to be married by her family.Of course, she didn't love the guy, and wanted tobe free to find a love on her own. As it turned out, she was also secretly asuper-duper martial arts bad-ass. One day, while on a trip through the desert,her entourage was attacked by a group of bandits.The leader of the criminals was a Johnny Depplooking Asian guy. He rode up, stole her fancyhair-comb, and rode off. Being the feisty girl that she was, she jumpedon a horse and rode into the desert after the bad(but cute) boy. They wound up fighting, wrestling and beatingthe hell out of each other. The long and the short of it is... he abductedher, tied her up, and hid her away in a cave. Andsomehow, right in the middle of it all, they beganMAKING OUT. Five years ago I would have watched this wholesequence and said, "Well, it doesn't make anysense, but it makes for a nice story..." But now that I understand the illogical natureof attraction and sexual chemistry, I see atotally different picture. When the cute bad-boy took off, and she rodeafter him and started fighting with him, therewere two different levels of communicationhappening. On the surface, she was chasing him to get herhair comb back. But looking at it from a different perspective,and looking at a deeper level, SHE HAD FINALLY META MAN WHO WAS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE... and sheresponded instantly and powerfully by feelingmagnetically attracted to him in a way that causedher to leave her group behind and risk her life. And the fighting that occurred can be seen asjust plain fighting... or, if you understand male-female dynamics, you can also see that on adifferent level they were FLIRTING. The tensionthat was building between them was also SEXUALtension. She had finally met "a real man", and sheresponded powerfully to him. Not long after they fell for each other, thebad-boy started to say some downright sensitivethings (I don't think he's read my book). He wastelling romantic stories about shooting stars, andhe risked his life to be with her again... andconfessed his love, etc. This is a round-about way of addressing yourcomments and answering your question, but thisstory helps me to put my answers in perspective. As far as being "a real man" goes, I think thatit's a good idea. Women respond powerfully to"male-ness". If it is expressed in a powerfulway, it can create an amazing attraction inside ofa woman. As you've learned by reading my book,there are a lot of simple ways to do this. If you'd like to learn the "secret" that these"real men" use to attract women, check this out:http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10020/OnBeingAMan/ To answer your question "Should you ever beweak?", I say: Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are inthe presence of an attractive woman. This is a bigproblem. If a woman sees you as a "weak man", thentrying to "be strong" will never work. You willonly come across as a weak guy who's trying to"act strong". On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a"real man"... one who does not act weak during thefirst several interactions with a woman, can havea "weak moment" later on and actually have a womanrespond in a very powerful, positive way. In other words, if you're perceived as a "realman", then you can do whatever you want, and itwill be perceived as part of that personality. But if you are perceived as a "weak man", thenNOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman. And nothing will change that picture inside ofa woman's head. Once you're thought of as a weak,nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisibleswitch gets switched off inside of a woman. Andit's not coming back on anytime soon. So, the big question is, how do you projectthis "real man" image? How do you be yourselfwhile at the same time doing the things thatcreate attraction? How do you act in an authenticway, while amplifying those parts of yourpersonality that are most likely to trigger theattraction mechanism inside of women? Part of the answer is to realize that justabout every communication has several levels ofmeaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, andbust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being amean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can beviewed as an interesting, sexy man. This is a critical concept, and you need tounderstand it if you want to succeed with women. If you'd like to get an AMAZING education onthe technique I call "Cocky & Funny", then youshould check out my Cocky Comedy DVD/CD program. This program will teach you everything from thebasics of humor and laughter... all the way todozens and dozens of specific "lines" to use inevery possible situation with women. Go watch some of the video preview clips here,and you'll get an idea of what I mean:http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10020/CockyComedy/ If you haven't read my eBook, I'd recommendthat you check it out. It'd taken me years tolearn, test, refine, and write all of thisinformation down. And you can learn it all in afew hours of reading. You can download it and bereading it within a few minutes:http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10020/eBook/ As our friend above wrote: "P.S. AND... tothose who haven't bought the book. Run, jump,fly, swim as fast as you can to that downloadpage. It'll be the best investment you've madesince you were 13 and read that copy of Penthousethat you'd found under your Father's bed." I personally think it's an even BETTERinvestment than dad's Penthouse mags... And if you're ready to REALLY step up and get aWORLD-CLASS education on the topic of women anddating... and get the most advanced programavailable for learning how to meet and date morewomen, then you need to check out my AdvancedDating Techniques CD/DVD Program. It is literally JAM PACKED with HUNDREDS andHUNDREDS of killer techniques for overcoming yourfears, improving your self image, approachingwomen, getting phone numbers, getting dates,meeting women online, and about a bazillion otherthings. Here are the details, plus some great videopreview clips:http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10020/AdvancedSeries/ This program will BLOW YOUR MIND, and you'llINSTANTLY learn secrets that it has taken me YEARSand YEARS to figure out. Talk to you again soon. Your Friend, David D.P.S. Don't forget to look at the entire list ofprograms I've put together to help you meet women.You can see them all, plus watch video clips ofthem right here:http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10020/Catalog/P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphsmax.2) Tell me what's working for you before you askyour question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuffis great" and "I don't need to tell you how wellyour stuff works" comments, but the fact is that IDO need to hear all of the specifics... becausethis helps other guys to see what's working indifferent situations.3) If you have a Success Story, write "SuccessStory" in the subject line of the email. I readthese first.4) At the end of the email, give me your initialsand tell me where you're from.5) Send it to me at:SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com ...don't just hit "reply" to this email. Thanks!--------------------------------------------------Copyright 2006 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. DavidDeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks. Byreading and accepting this newsletter you agree toall of the following: You understand that this issimply a set of opinions (and not advice). This isto be used for entertainment, and not consideredas "professional advice". You are responsible forany use of the information in this email, and holdDavid DeAngelo Marketing Inc. and all members andaffiliates harmless in any claim or event. If youare under 18 years old, please click thelink at the end, and remove yourself, or to takeyourself off of our list, you can send mail to"DDMI" 3960 Howard Hughes Pkwy, 5th Floor LasVegas, NV 89109.-------------------------------------------------__________________________________________________If you are under 18 years old, please follow the link below and remove yourself, or you can send mail to "DDMI" 3960 Howard Hughes Pkwy, 5th Floor, Las Vegas, NV 89109.To safely remove your name and email address from our newsletter mailing list go to:

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how and why we humans fall in love.

Dating & Relating Who knew? Crazy love facts
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The secret to a romantic night is…So it’s date night and you want to set the mood for romance…what’s the right plan to make? Interestingly, you should go to a movie, but not any old flick. If you want kisses after the credits roll, then a romantic chick flick should be your choice, according to a recent study by the University of Michigan. Researchers reached this conclusion after testing the hormone levels of three different groups of men and women who were shown a variety of movies. One group watched a romantic scene from The Bridges of Madison County, a second viewed a violent portion of The Godfather: Part II, and a third was shown a documentary on the Amazon rainforest. While the viewers watching the rainforest footage experienced no hormonal changes, researchers found that The Bridges of Madison County caused a surge in both men’s and women’s levels of progesterone, a hormone that triggers the urge to cuddle. “Progesterone is known to have anxiety-reducing, soothing effects,” explains Oliver C. Schultheiss, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan and co-author of the study. In this way, progesterone can pave the way for romance and help couples bond, he says. Should you wed the first person you fall for?How many people should you wine and dine before you can feel confident enough to say you’ve met your one and only? Believe it or not, mathematics has the answer: A dozen. “Check out and reject 12 people, then pick the next best that comes along, and you’re likely to have a very good match on your hands,” says Clio Cresswell, a mathematician and author of Mathematics and Sex. That’s because when it comes to decision-making, formulas reveal that your chances of picking the right answer improve as you expose yourself to more options. But there does come a point when you are over-researching: If you date and reject 30 or more potential mates, “you've probably met someone that you could possibly have been more than happy with, and passed them over,’ notes Cresswell. The best time to bondMany people agree with John Gray—men are from Mars, and women from Venus. However, a new study suggests that there is a brief time in our dating lives when men and women are pretty much from the same planet. It's when we first fall in love. For this, you can thank your hormones, which, researchers from the University of Pisa in Italy found out, fluctuate like mad when a new relationship blooms. When guys are smitten, they experience a drop in their body’s levels of testosterone, a hormone linked to aggressive, sometimes domineering behavior. Meanwhile, love-struck women get a testosterone boost. “Men, in some way, become more like women, and women become like men,” researcher Donatella Marazziti explained. And there’s a very good reason for this hormonal gender-bending: We’re more likely to have a rapport with someone who shares our personality traits. This blissful, two-peas-in-a-pod feeling doesn’t last forever, though. When researchers tested subjects one year later, they found that men’s and women’s testosterone levels had diverged and returned to their pre-relationship levels. Is it lust or love?If you’re swooning over your new sweetie, you may think you’re deeply in love. Friends, however, may say, “You’re just in lust.” Who’s right? Researchers have recently found evidence that people can distinguish between true romance and plain old sexual attraction. For the study, scientists performed MRIs on men and women as they looked upon photos of the person they were in love with and photos of acquaintances (both attractive and less attractive ones). The results showed that the two sets of photos affected the brain very differently: Photos of loved ones triggered more activity on the right side of the brain (an area associated with romantic emotions) than did the other photos; photos of extremely attractive people triggered more activity on the left side of the brain (a hotbed for sexual urges) than did the photos of subjects’ beloveds. What this suggests, says study author Arthur Aron, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the State University of New York-Stony Brook, is that the emotions of love and lust are more distinct than we think, and that people can indeed discriminate between the two. Tell that to your cynical friends! And your soul mate’s name is…Would you choose a romantic partner because his or her name sounds like yours or because you share the same initials? Scoff all you like, but a new study suggests people do just that. When a team of researchers led by John T. Jones, Ph.D., of the United States Military Academy checked out marriage records stretching back to the 1800s, they found a significant number of couples in which the woman’s maiden name began with the same letter as the man’s surname. To further test the research, the team conducted an experiment in which male college students were first asked to write about a flaw of theirs (we’ll explain why in a minute). Then they were asked to evaluate women’s personal ads in which the full first name and first three letters of their last name were listed. Subjects, it turns out, were especially drawn to profiles in which the names resembled their own. Why, exactly, do matching monikers prove so magnetic? In a nutshell, because people tend to have a positive association with their own name—and this need for familiarity increases when people are under stress or forced to dwell on their shortcomings. “Especially when they’re anxious, people may gravitate toward self-relevant symbols,” Jones explained. “We think there’s something about these symbols that makes people feel more secure.” Added bonus: If you two last for the long haul, you sure can save on monogramming costs. Reported by Judy Dutton, Lisa Cericola, Elise Nersesian, Jessica Brown, and Laura Schaefer.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

learn from the masters

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Changes to Expect in Your 50s

The 50s

Reproductive Systems: Changes to Expect in Your 50s
Did you know that we all need testosterone to enjoy great sex? Read on for more...
Several significant transitions in reproductive system functioning and health occur during the 50s. These include alterations in sexual functioning in both women and men, which can cause emotional distress in addition to physical changes.
MenopauseThe average American woman reaches menopause by age 51. In addition to signaling an end to reproductive capacities, the hormonally turbulent period leading up to menopause triggers a cascade of physical and emotional changes that may include: decreased energy, food cravings, increased appetite, mood swings and depression, low libido, thinning of the vaginal walls, hot flashes, interrupted sleep, excessive worry and anxiety, and other symptoms. What's more, many post-menopausal women in their 50s may continue to experience hot flashes, mood instability, and lack of interest in sex; for these women, hormone replacement therapy can be extremely helpful.
Breast HealthAnnual mammograms are essential, along with annual manual breast exams. Women have a one-in-eight chance of getting breast cancer in the course of their lifetimes; age is the single most significant risk factor for breast cancer. The probability of breast cancer increases with age. And note: more than 90 percent of breast cancers are "sporadic," meaning that they occur in women with no evidence of inherited susceptibility! All the more reason to do your monthly breast self-exams and have annual mammograms and annual manual exams.
Prostate HealthIn men, the prostate gland can enlarge with age. (A man who lives to age 60 has a 50 percent chance of suffering from an enlarged prostate, also called benign prostatic hyperplasia.) It's a mystery why the prostate grows. Sometimes an enlarged prostate begins to cause symptoms that affect a man's life or it simply grows large enough to cause potentially negative medical complications.
After skin cancer, prostate cancer is the most common cancer affecting men in almost every developed country; following lung cancer, prostate cancer is the second leading cause of deaths from cancer in men in the Western world.
The prostate is located directly below the bladder and surrounds the urethra, the tube through which urine and semen exit the body. The three most common prostate conditions are: benign prostatic growth, also called hyperplasia; infection or inflammation, which is called prostatitis; and prostate cancer. Prostate health in the 50s can be managed by screening exams and blood tests.
Erectile FunctioningAlong with prostate growth, changes in sexual functioning often become evident in the 50s. To begin with, erections may take longer to develop, they may be less firm than they once were, and they may not last as long as they used to. When faced with any changes in erectile functioning, it's vital to remember that these are universal occurrences that occur in almost every man at a certain age. Furthermore, these changes are simply due to alterations in the blood vessels that are responsible for creating and maintaining an erection.
Also, in the 50s some men find that their orgasms are shorter, while others may periodically experience impotence. Between hormone replacement, human sexuality psychotherapy and Viagra, today's anti-impotence drug, most changes in erectile and sexual functioning can be efficiently resolved in a timely manner. Next Page >
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